PCOS

Sooo...it is official...I have PCOS...or Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. They say I probably have always had it even before I got pregnant with Baylee but that after I had her the hormones really got thrown out of whack. It affects 5 - 10% of women of reproductive age. It has caused me to have problems with low female hormones, high male hormones which cause facial hair/mail hair, thinning hair, dark skin patches, excessive weight gain, inability to lose weight, insulin resistance, irregular periods/infertility, etc. He said it took so long to diagnose b/c they thought I had thyroid issues b/c my old doctor diagnosed me with that but the last two thyroid test came back normal. So blood work and a physical exam proved I had PCOS. It is sad b/c had we known earlier I wouldn't have had a miscarriage last year. He said when Brian gets home and I am still having problems then he will send me to an endocrinologist.

For now...treatment is birth control and glucophage (anti-diabetic drug). I also will be on a semi-diabetic diet. We shall see!!! I am sad that I have this but glad to finally have answers.

Deployment - 2010

Here we go again! The hubby is away on his latest deployment. I am so glad that I have such a great support group. Please remember to pray for our troops!!

Promise to My Man! :)

I don't do very good about keeping this blog updated. However, my hubby left yesterday and after his last deployment I promised him I would keep this blog up a little better. Of course, I have facebook and so does he but I think he likes to come somewhere to see a little more detail of what is going on in our life while he is away. He left this morning on his second phase of this deployment. (You will see video on the page.) So I figure it is about time to start writing a little. Even if I only have time to do it a few times a month. Hopefully, I will have time to do it more but at this time I don't want to promise to do more than I can!

Nursing School: Applications!

Well just a follow up on this little journey of mine. :)

Nursing school applications 1 and 2 were sent today. I have one more to send February 1st. I won't know anything until April or May and that is a loooonnnngggg wait but there isn't much I can do at this point except pray!!

Nursing School: Application Info & CPR

Hi guys! Okay here is my first Vlog aka Video Blog. Please excuse the "ums" and lovely southern voice. Ha! This video will just tell a bit about HealthCare Provider CPR and some information about applying for nursing school. If you have any questions, just ask!

Nursing School: Getting Ready To Apply

In my journey to return to nursing school I have been very interested in reading about other nursing students stories. I have found many places online where people have written about their experiences. I also have found many video blogs. One of my favorites can be found here. I just like that she gives you a feel of what it all really feels like. Please remember when reading this blog or any other nursing school students blog that what we say is not necessarily what you will experience. Every school is different and every students experience is different. I do plan to get a video blog up and going but those videos will be posted here. Sometimes I just want to write so that will continue here as well. I might not have any followers when it comes to the nursing school info but I like having this kind of as my journal of what is going on with me. It will be neat after I graduate nursing school to look back and show what I have experienced. I think it might be interesting to have this where my daughter (and maybe any future children) can read my thoughts through this process! Mainly this is for me BUT if anyone is here reading this...welcome!

Getting Ready To Apply

• Many nursing schools have pre-regs that you have to take before you apply. It is different for each program. In our area, the LPN program does not require pre-regs but the ADN program does. I will be going towards the ADN program. The ones that I am applying for require at least an ACT of 18 or above. It also requires A&P I & A&PII and Intro to Sociology.
• I have an ACT score higher than 18 - CHECK!
• I have taken A&PI and A&PII - CHECK! (Side note: I took both of these online. At the time I was working full time. I wish looking back that I would have not taking A&PII online but each person is different! Mine could have been because of being so tired after working all day.)
• I have taken Intro to Sociology - CHECK!

Application Deadlines

• At one school I can apply between now and March 31st.
• At another school I can apply between February 1st and March 31st.
• Some people have school loyalty. I have several friends who only want to apply at one school or another and that is perfectly fine. Don't let anyone talk you into doing anything else! You have to do what makes you happy. If you want to only apply at one...apply at one! If you want to apply at several...apply at several! You have to do what makes you happy as this is your life! :)
• We have two local colleges which have the ADN program. I do plan on applying at both colleges in order to increase my chances because it is tough to get in to nursing school! I have actually attended both and I feel they are probably pretty equal.

Other Application Information

• After you get accepted into the nursing program it says (at our two schools) you will be required to take CPR for HealthCare Providers. You aren't required to take this until after you are accepted but I do plan on taking it this Saturday so that I can send it in with my application. It may not help me at all that I already have it but I don't think it will hurt to try. :)
• Another requirement is NET (Nurse/Nursing Entrance Exam). Again, this is not required before applying...it is only required after you have been accepted but I am toying with beginning to study and taking this early. We shall see.

So...I guess that is it for now! :)

Happy Housewife! :)

It's official! I am now an official SAHM (Stay At Home Mom), House Wife and College Student! I do all three so I don't know what my official title will be.

I actually have been a SAHM for almost 3 weeks now but with Brian working out of town and all the holidays this is my actual "first" week of testing it out. I don't start school until next week so I am tyring to get alot done over the next week and the weekend. I will be at school Tuesdays & Thursdays. I will be home Monday/Wednesday/Friday and everyday I will be home by the time my 6th grader gets home from school.

I have gotten mixed responses about my decision. I have learned that some people sure can be hypocritical. For whatever reason it is okay if some people want to be SAHM but not others. This is the second time I have tried this and for the second time a few people kind of turn their nose up about it. Oh well. I won't complain because I know I am doing what is the best for me and my family and most importantly doing what God has called me to do. I love them anyway and they have their right to their opinion but I do hope that they end up realizing how much of a good thing this is. It has been only two days and I am in love! I have been brought to tears twice with emotion! Ha! I am a crier...what can I say!

I am able to do things I wasn't able to do when I was a working mom. We now have time for me to get up and actually fix breakfast for the whole family and us all sit down at the table together to eat! I fix my husbands lunch, take my daughter to school when I need to, do chores around the house that were always put on the backburner. My favorite part is that at this time usually I would still be at work and could possibly be there another 30 minutes. YET I am now at home COOKING dinner!! A dinner that won't have to be picked up at a fast food resturaunt because we are too late getting home to a cook and a dinner that will be eaten together at the table because we aren't too tired to eat there!

I know for you that are already SAHM moms this probably isn't a big deal but from a working woman with no time for her family this is awesome! I will be able to spend more time with Brian before he deploys, be with my daughter more and do what I need to do to finish nursing school!

Life Change!

I'm back for the 100th time! This time I am here with WONDERFUL news!! This coming Wednesday, December 16th, 2009, will be my last day as a paralegal! I am very blessed to now become a full-time mom, military wife and...*drum roll*...college student! Yes, that is right I will begin college again (at the age of 30!!) in the spring. I will be full-time and I am oh so excited. I will be applying for nursing school in the fall so please stick around for my journey!

The hubby is getting ready to deploy withing the next year or so (again). I am one of his units ombudsmen so I am very excited about having more time to spend with him and more to help the other families...especially those that may be experiencing this for the first time.

I am also very excited to be able to do more things as a wife and mom. This is my FAVORITE part of this life change and a part of my life that has been neglected far too long.

Another thing that I think I am going to try is to Vlog occasionally. (Video blogging) We will see how that goes! :)

Hope you have a great day!

Life List Update

Well this "updating" sure is going slow. Though, I guess a life list keeps growing most of the time!

Just an update:

Places To Visit:
Wyoming
Colorado
New York
California
Vegas!
Grand Canyon
Canada
Alaska
Hawaii
London
Venice Italy
Rome Italy
Madrid Spain
Tahiti
Jamaica
Bahamas
Cancun
Cozumel
Key West
Pennsylvania - Hershey Park & Historical Sites
Bora Bora

Things I Would Like To Do or Learn In My Lifetime:
Play the Piano
Play the Guitar
Fly A Plane
Go on A Cruise
Rock Climbing
Hike Up A Mountain
Snow Ski
Speak Spanish
Learn Sign Language
Swim with Dolphins
Fly in A Helicopter
Fly in A Hot Air Balloon
Finish Nursing School
Get some sort of degree (if not in nursing)
Start A Business
Write a Book
Go to the Oprah Show!
Ride Horseback on the beach!
Pay off 4-Wheeler!
Sell Brian's Truck!
Pay off Tahoe!
Pay off old Credit Card Bills!

Around The House
Organize my closets
Clip & Organize articles out of my old magazines and toss magazines!
Paint my bedroom
Paint my kitchen
Paint my living area
Organize all of my pictures
Scan all pictures in and put the on CD's
Get backyard fenced!
Organize & paint laundry room
Organize all cabinets – bathroom & kitchen
Organize Baylee's room….again!!

Books to Read or Read Again (In 2009):
Dear John – Nicholas Sparks
At First Sight – Nicholas Sparks
Three Weeks With My Brother – Nicholas Sparks
True Believer – Nicholas Sparks
The Wedding - Nicholas Sparks
Predator – Patricia Cornwell
Trace – Patricia Cornwell
I Heard That Song Before – Mary Higgins Clark
No Place Like Home – Mary Higgins Clark
Ghost Ship – Mary Higgins Clark
Before I Say Goodbye – Mary Higgins Clark
Mount Vernon Love Story – Mary Higgins Clark
Yada Yada Prayer Group (Re-read my old ones and catch up on the new ones)
Mitford Series – Jan Karon
Step On A Crack – James Patterson
Judge & Jury – James Patterson
Little Women
The Secret
Twilight Series
Harry Potter Series
The Adventures of Hucklberry Finn
Beloved
The Catcher in the Rye
The Good Earth
The Sound and the Fury

Health Goals:
Teeth cleaned!
Cavities filled
Eat more fruits & vegetables
Drink 8 glasses of water a day
Exercise at least 30 minutes everyday
Lose 10 lbs
Lose 20 lbs
Lose 30 lbs
Lose 40 lbs
Lose 50 lbs
Lose 60 lbs
Lose 70 lbs
Lose 80 lbs
Lose 100 lbs

Jingle, Jangle, Smack, Clip, Clip...

I SERIOUSLY have a problem with noises. (I blame this COMPLETELY on my mother - she knows it!) I work in what one would call a glorified cubicle. True it does have walls...but they don't go all the way to the ceiling. As you can see from this picture - there is about 3 feet from the top of my wall to the ceiling. (To the right you can see my door and in the middle is the picture above my bookcase.)

Well I tell you that you can HEAR EVERYTHING in my office. Jingling of peoples bracelets, smacking, typing, etc. One thing that has driving me NUTS these past few months is the sweet old man in the office right beside me. I believe he is in his last 70's and he constantly talks on speaker phone. (Crazy, right?) Well he just isn't used to being in our "glorified cubicles". His office (and several others) had mold in them and he is working in the empty one next to mine until his office is finished. As if speaker phone (and other noises of the office!) weren't bad enough what really gets me is "clip, clip" "Clip, clip clip" "CLIP CLIP CLIP"...can you guess? Clip clip is the sound of fingernail clipping. Can we say gag? Every time I hear it all I can pictures is this sweet little man in their clipping his old man fingernails and little bits flying everywhere! Man his nails must grow fast b/c he does this all the time! LOL...well at least it isn't his toenails...I HOPE!

Here We Go Again...

I had a dream about getting a positive pregnancy test last night. When I woke up this morning I thought what the heck...and I took a test. Instantly, I saw only 1 line. I went and did a few things for Baylee and got her going for the day. I came back and I saw the faintest of a 2nd line. I mean FAINT as in my mom would probably have to put on her readers to see it. It was definitely there though. If you have read my blog you will know that we have tried for years to have another baby. Then in June I found out I was pregnant and then had a miscarriage. I was only around 5 weeks. Either way, it was still very sad. Not a lot of people knew but it hurt just the same. It was very hard to tell my husband. I have decided this time instead of saying ANYTHING I am going to wait a few more days - probably until Sunday - and test again. Who knows, maybe the "faint" line is an evaporation line or just a fluke. I just can't go through all the heartache again. So I am going to pray it is for real BUT I will really try hard to not get my hopes up. I kind of feel bad writing this here but I have to get it off my chest. Plus, anyone reading this that knows my husband knows he is more of "tell me when you know for sure" type person. (Especially after the m/c.).

**UPDATE** It was negative when I retested. :(

MISSISSIPPI...YOU ARE FAT!!!

Well Mississippi was in the news again. Come on Mississippi what are we doing here? I mean I KNOW we like to eat. Lord knows momma can cook better than any resturaunt you step foot in but do we REALLY want to have this weighing on our shoulders. I have decided this week I am NOT going to be a statistic anymore. I am working really hard to eat better. Life is too short! I will be 30 next month and I want to enjoy my 30's and not be miserable the whole time.

I hereby dedicate myself to at least 30 minutes of exercise daily!!

Come on Mississippi...Let's Go Walking!!!!

Life List

Just an update:

Places To Visit:
Wyoming
Colorado
New York
California
Vegas!
Grand Canyon
Canada
Alaska
Hawaii
London
Venice Italy
Rome Italy
Madrid Spain
Tahiti
Jamaica
Bahamas
Cancun
Cozumel
Key West
Pennsylvania - Hershey Park & Historical Sites
Bora Bora

Things I Would Like To Do or Learn In My Lifetime:
Play the Piano
Play the Guitar
Fly A Plane
Go on A Cruise
Rock Climbing
Hike Up A Mountain
Snow Ski
Speak Spanish
Learn Sign Language
Swim with Dolphins
Fly in A Helicopter
Fly in A Hot Air Balloon
Finish Nursing School
Get some sort of degree (if not in nursing)
Start A Business
Write a Book
Go to the Oprah Show!
Ride Horseback on the beach!
Pay off 4-Wheeler!
Sell Brian's Truck!
Pay off Tahoe!
Pay off old Credit Card Bills!

Around The House
Organize my closets
Clip & Organize articles out of my old magazines and toss magazines!
Paint my bedroom
Paint my kitchen
Paint my living area
Organize all of my pictures
Scan all pictures in and put the on CD's
Get backyard fenced!
Organize & paint laundry room
Organize all cabinets – bathroom & kitchen
Organize Baylee's room….again!!

Books to Read or Read Again (In 2009):
Dear John – Nicholas Sparks
At First Sight – Nicholas Sparks
Three Weeks With My Brother – Nicholas Sparks
True Believer – Nicholas Sparks
The Wedding - Nicholas Sparks
Predator – Patricia Cornwell
Trace – Patricia Cornwell
I Heard That Song Before – Mary Higgins Clark
No Place Like Home – Mary Higgins Clark
Ghost Ship – Mary Higgins Clark
Before I Say Goodbye – Mary Higgins Clark
Mount Vernon Love Story – Mary Higgins Clark
Yada Yada Prayer Group (Re-read my old ones and catch up on the new ones)
Mitford Series – Jan Karon
Step On A Crack – James Patterson
Judge & Jury – James Patterson
Little Women
The Secret
Twilight Series
Harry Potter Series
The Adventures of Hucklberry Finn
Beloved
The Catcher in the Rye
The Good Earth
The Sound and the Fury

Health Goals:
Teeth cleaned!
Cavities filled
Eat more fruits & vegetables
Drink 8 glasses of water a day
Exercise at least 30 minutes everyday
Lose 10 lbs
Lose 20 lbs
Lose 30 lbs
Lose 40 lbs
Lose 50 lbs
Lose 60 lbs
Lose 70 lbs
Lose 80 lbs
Lose 100 lbs

Lead By Example

I can't say that I am always the best example but I strive to be that way. During the school year most of the time Baylee eats lunch at school. On the rare occasion I pack her lunch I might slip in a note. It has probably been a year since I have done that. Well today Brian needed me to run home at lunch. He asked Baylee to fix me a sandwich to grab and take with me. Halfway back to work I took my sandwich out of the bag...pulled back the napkin it was so sweetly and carefully wrapped in and found this...

Sure makes a momma's heart proud. My little sweet girl!! :-)

The Root

Someone at work shared this with me today. I really needed it. I have been dealing with an issue that has been tough but I have really tried to let go and give it to God! One of the issues I have been dealing with was me being me. It saddens me to think there are those out there who can't take being nice and being yourself for what it is. I am not perfect. I have my faults. However, when I do something or desire a relationship with someone it is purely because of the love in my heart. I do things and say things because of my desire to care and love for others. It makes me sad that there are those out there that can't accept that. At first I was mad and was thinking well fine if they don't want to have anything to do with me and if all my decisions are the "wrong" ones then forget it. I just won't do this or that anymore. The truth is...that isn't me. I ENJOY being with other people and I ENJOY doing for others...even if there is nothing in return because I expect nothing in return. That being said...I am going to keep being ME...albeit a little more guarded version of ME but you can't change me. I want the fruit I bear to be the fruit that shows only one motivation...the motivation of love.


A farmer once planted two fruit trees on opposite sides of his property. One he planted to provide a hedge to hide the unsightly view of an old landfill; the other to provide shade to rest under near a cool mountain stream which ran down beside his fields. As the two trees grew, both produced and began to flower and bear fruit.

One day the farmer decided to gather the fruit from the tree nearest his house " the one used to provide a hedge from the landfill. As he brought the fruit inside the house, he noticed that it was a little deformed " the symmetry of the fruit was not very good, but still the fruit looked edible. Later that evening, while sitting on his porch the farmer took one of the pieces of fruit for a snack. Biting into the fruit, he found it to be extremely bitter, and completely inedible. Casting the fruit aside he looked across the field to the other tree over by the mountain stream.

After walking across the field, the farmer took a piece of the fruit from the other tree and bit into it. Find the fruit to be sweet and delicious he gathered several more pieces of fruit and took them to the house.

The fruit was greatly affected by the nutrition of the root. Just as the tree grew by the landfill to be bitter, and the tree by the stream produced sweet fruit, so the Christian has a choice. He can either put down his roots into the soil of the landfill of fleshly pursuits, or into the cool refreshing stream of the person of Jesus Christ. We must understand that the root bears the fruit. The fruit of the Christian is the outward evidence of the inward motivation.

Crazy, Crazy, Times!!

I am sitting at work on pins and needles. Brian is taking his EMT exam as I type this. We don't know if he will know the results instantly or if we will have to wait or not. He rarely gets nervous but this morning he was SO nervous. He is very ready to work on an ambulance. He loves to help people and he is very good at it. I am so proud of his accomplishments and so proud of him. We have been married 9 years this year...as of this month we have been a couple for 10 years. He has always been an awesome guy but the past several years he has really evolved into a man that I know I will always and forever love. He really is my soul mate. I thank God for him. As much as he says I have helped him...he too has helped me. We really do bring out the best in each other. Mushy gushy...I know, I know. :-)

He and I have been taking A&PI this summer and he takes his final tomorrow and I take my next Tuesday. I am SOOO nervous. I am coming up with every study tactic I can find. I wish I could just lay my head down on my book and "soak" up all the useful information. It just seems like as I have gotten older I can't absorb as much as I used to. I also think I really do have adult ADD. What were we talking about again???

We have been dealing with some family issues lately. I have just hated seeing my husband so sad and hurt. I too have hurt but I have tried all I can do. I just wish it was easier for everyone to get along. The bad thing is that we WANT to be closer but we just keep being pushed back. So sad. :-( There is one family member I talked to this morning that I think being the mom of a boy that is closer to Brian's age understands more. She doesn't even know what has been going on (that I know of) and you know I always just feel good when I talk to her. She has a lot going on in her life right now with her own little family and I am remembering to say prayers for her everyday!

Hmmmm....what else, what else...oh Brian will be leaving to go out of town for 2 1/2 weeks for the USCG. He will come home for a week and then be gone for another whole week! Whoa is me...life of a military wife! :-) I do plan to go down and visit him and get some beach time in during the next couple of weeks. We will see how that goes...

Later!!

The Desires of My Heart

A friend of mine repeated something in her blog that the preacher told them this weekend at revival. It was:

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. I
realized tonight that I had let the desires of my heart keep me from delighting
myself in the Lord."

Have you ever read something or heard someone say something and think, "Wow, that could have just as easily come out of my mouth!" I would consider myself a good Christian. We have slacked off on our Church going a little because we are in Church limbo. We love the "family" church we are members of and are having a hard time saying goodbye. There is a church closer to home that we really love but it is like we are scared to dedicate because it almost feels like we are "cheating" on our Church family. Our response to this has not been a good thing. It has been that we have slacked off on going to Church all together. This is NOT the answer and I know it. We are just going to have to make the tough decision...no matter what we decide.

In saying that, I have also let other "desires of my heart" get in the way of my love of God. I have a lot of things going on in my life right now. I can't really go into a lot of detail (nothing bad just STUFF..LOL) but reading this quote on my friend's blog has put me in the mindset that I need to be in.

Put HIM first and all other things will fall into place!

Summer Camp = Sad Mom!!

We drove Baylee to a week long, Operation Purple, summer camp last Sunday. I was so sad to leave her and I am SOOOO ready to go pick her up. I know she is having fun but I just miss that I can't talk to her everyday. I have sent several cards to her this week but it is not the same as hearing her voice. Brian has harassed me all week about the fact that I will be one of "those" moms when she goes off to college. At which point I promptly reminded him that we would not have to worry about it because she can will be living with us until she gets married (if I let her leave then!). I know, I know...wishful thinking on my part but let me live in my fantasy world until it happens, will ya? *grin* This morning when I was getting dressed I was thinking about several things.

First, new moms always think that their baby is the best baby...Lord knows I thought that (& still do sometimes!). It made me think...is it fair for me to feel this way? Of course, most people choose their children as "the best" but if you really think about it EVERYONE is SOMEONES baby. Imagine how much easier life would be if people would realize this small fact of life. I think if we all thought of each other (and each other's children) as "someones baby" it makes them seem more human. More lovable. Hmmm...random thoughts I know.

The second thing I thought about is no matter how old your "babies" get they will always be your babies. I was lying in bed last night and having trouble sleeping thinking about all the things moms think about. (Is Baylee having fun, is she safe, is she happy, did she brush her teeth?) After about a half-hour of lying there my thoughts drifted to the day Baylee was born. It was the perfect delivery. She was born April 6, 1998, 4:32 p.m., 6lbs 8oz, 21 inches of pure beauty. Perfect in every way. She slept good, ate good and all together was a good baby. I think before I even had her I had pretty good mother instincts but it seems the second she was born they kicked in full blast. I could not sleep while at the hospital until I knew she was safely beside me. For the first two months of her life I would lie awake and watch her sleep. For the past 11 years I get up countless times and run in her room just to lay my hand on her chest to make sure she is okay. On many of those nights I lay down beside her and think about her life and hope everyday that she knows how much her daddy and I love her.

She is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to us. Brian and I like to say she is the best accomplishment we have ever made...raising a beautiful, smart, funny and sweet daughter. Sadly, we experienced a loss in June. What we would have hoped to be a baby brother or baby sister to our already perfect family. It was not God's timing. I grieved in my own time and now I am ready to move on. We do hope to give Baylee a sibling but sibling or no sibling...she is perfect to me.

The Faith of Rick Warren

I think that Rick Warren is just an amazing man. The insight he has on our Heavenly Father is something I long for. I know it is easily found through life's rule book, The Bible, though I think true learning is a gift only given to some so that those of us (me!) that don't get it on our own can have complete understand of what our most awesome Heavenly Father has in store for us. I read this in an email this week and I have to say I was very much impressed with Rick Warren's response to his life's circumstances. I for one think he is an amazing man and from this day forth I will remember to PRAISE God for the good and the bad because without the bad I cannot be a witness to those that are going through the same problems I had/have/will have. The difference is there are those who go through these problems WITHOUT God in their lives and it is our duty as Christian to be the example that God expects us to be so that we may get a greater treasure than ANY treasure you could receive here on earth!!

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:

People ask me, What is the purpose of life?

And I respond:

In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity..

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going
to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now,
you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than
your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in
making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but
that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ
likeness. This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also
the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that
life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the
mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than
life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a
railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in
your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always
something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things
are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems: If you focus
on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my
issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your
focus off yourself and onto God and others. We discovered quickly that in
spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to
heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet
God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other
people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You
have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually,
sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past
year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me
instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had
never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety
for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what
He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two
different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm
72. First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our
lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway
through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we
set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant
churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the
next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in
the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was
liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)? When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know
You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do
list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're
called human beings, not human doings.

The Ups & Downs!!

Last week was definitely a roller coaster ride. I had lots of positives and then lots of negatives. I am glad that is over FOR SURE. I suffered a few different types of "loss" last week that at the moment I don't care to share with the wide world web but in due time I may decide to. One thing I did learn last week is I am really getting good at rolling with the punches. I don't really know if that is a good thing or not. I just feel like sometimes the world just throws so many at us that we have a tendency to want to fight back. I have to go back to my faith in God and learn in some instances to turn the other cheek. In other instances I am learning loss no matter how little it seems DOES hurt and it IS okay to grieve over it. I have learned that when God is ready for us to have another baby it will happen in HIS time not mine. He is the all powerful and all knowing and I need to remember that even when something is so close that it is sitting in your hand if God chooses to take it back it is because he is trying to teach me something that I don't understand at the time. After all this life is NOT mine it is his. It is his to live how he wants me to live and my body is HIS temple. This week I am working on better ME for HIM. Not for my own worldly needs or wants or for anyone else. In Christ Alone...