We drove Baylee to a week long, Operation Purple, summer camp last Sunday. I was so sad to leave her and I am SOOOO ready to go pick her up. I know she is having fun but I just miss that I can't talk to her everyday. I have sent several cards to her this week but it is not the same as hearing her voice. Brian has harassed me all week about the fact that I will be one of "those" moms when she goes off to college. At which point I promptly reminded him that we would not have to worry about it because she can will be living with us until she gets married (if I let her leave then!). I know, I know...wishful thinking on my part but let me live in my fantasy world until it happens, will ya? *grin* This morning when I was getting dressed I was thinking about several things.
First, new moms always think that their baby is the best baby...Lord knows I thought that (& still do sometimes!). It made me think...is it fair for me to feel this way? Of course, most people choose their children as "the best" but if you really think about it EVERYONE is SOMEONES baby. Imagine how much easier life would be if people would realize this small fact of life. I think if we all thought of each other (and each other's children) as "someones baby" it makes them seem more human. More lovable. Hmmm...random thoughts I know.
The second thing I thought about is no matter how old your "babies" get they will always be your babies. I was lying in bed last night and having trouble sleeping thinking about all the things moms think about. (Is Baylee having fun, is she safe, is she happy, did she brush her teeth?) After about a half-hour of lying there my thoughts drifted to the day Baylee was born. It was the perfect delivery. She was born April 6, 1998, 4:32 p.m., 6lbs 8oz, 21 inches of pure beauty. Perfect in every way. She slept good, ate good and all together was a good baby. I think before I even had her I had pretty good mother instincts but it seems the second she was born they kicked in full blast. I could not sleep while at the hospital until I knew she was safely beside me. For the first two months of her life I would lie awake and watch her sleep. For the past 11 years I get up countless times and run in her room just to lay my hand on her chest to make sure she is okay. On many of those nights I lay down beside her and think about her life and hope everyday that she knows how much her daddy and I love her.
She is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to us. Brian and I like to say she is the best accomplishment we have ever made...raising a beautiful, smart, funny and sweet daughter. Sadly, we experienced a loss in June. What we would have hoped to be a baby brother or baby sister to our already perfect family. It was not God's timing. I grieved in my own time and now I am ready to move on. We do hope to give Baylee a sibling but sibling or no sibling...she is perfect to me.
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