Showing posts with label Junk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Junk. Show all posts

Friday, May 05, 2006

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Application to Date My Daughter

*I am telling you my child is just growing up to fast so I decided for future use I need to impliment this application!*

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.

Name:________________________ Nickname/Alias:___________________
Date Of Birth:____/____/____ height:______ Weight:______ I.Q.:______ G.P.A.:________ Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______
Driver's License#____________________ Boy Scout Rank:_____________
Good Standing: Yes_____No_____
Home Address:_______________________________ City/State/Zip_____________________________ Home Phone#: (___)___________ Car Phone#:_______________ Pager#:__________

Do you own
a. Van?____ b. Truck with oversized tires?____ c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____

Do you have any of the following:
a. An earring_____ b. nose ring______ c. belly button ring_____ or piercings on any other body parts_____ Explain:_____________________________________________________
Tattoo?______ (If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________
In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

Church you attend_____________________ How often______________________
Best time to interview your pastor?_______________________
Fill In The Blank. Please answer freely, all answers will be confidential.
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken broken is: ____________________________________________________
b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is ____________________________________________________
c. Now answer the question you filled in on B ____________________________________________________
NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion. I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers.
_____________________________ Signature (This means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call or write, this could cause you unexpected injury. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Kitty On House Arrest!

Thought this was interesting - if it was a dog they would have already had him put to sleep though...yes I am a dog lover!

Residents of the neighborhood of Sunset Circle say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis. Lewis for his part has been uniquely cited, personally issued a restraining order by the town's animal control officer.
"He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw," Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. "They are formidable weapons."
The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals.
Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.
In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home.
Solveira also arrested the cat's owner, Ruth Cisero, charging her with failing to comply with the restraining order and reckless endangerment.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Brad & Jen Finally Divide the Loot!

BRAD Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have agreed a multi-million-pound divorce settlement, Finally. The couple thrashed out the deal just over a year after they announced their split.

Friends star Jen, 37, will keep the 16.6million mansion they lived in for five years of marriage. The 12,000sq ft Beverly Hills property boasts eight bedrooms, six bathrooms, a pool, spa and tennis courts.

In return, Pitt, 42, holds on to the controlling share of their film company, Plan B Productions, believed to be worth more than 28million.
It's hot property after making 12 successful indie movies, including Tim Burton's Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. All I know is I really wouldn't mind getting either end of that deal!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day!!


These roses are for each of you and they represent friendship! If any of you are giving roses today here are some helpful hints to make sure you are sending the right message! Enjoy!

Rose Color Meaning
Amaranth Red Long Standing Desire
Cardinal Red Sublime Desire
Carmine Red Deceitful Desire
Firey Red Flames of Passion
Black roses Death, Hatred, Farewell. Mostly used at funerals.
Orange and Coral roses Desire
Lavender/Purple roses Sublime Desire
Peach/Pale colored roses Deceitful Desire
Pink Roses Flames of Passion
Light Pink Roses Death, Hatred, Farewell. Mostly used at funerals.
Orange & Yellow Roses Enthusiasm, Desire, Passionate thoughts.
Yellow Roses Joy, Friendship.
White Roses Reverence, Humility.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Paris' New Purse

I guess it is supposed to be in memory of her dead dog! Ha! Check It Out Here!

Not much to say today! Just busy at home and brain feels kind of jumbled! Hope all is well with everyone else!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Just Another Night On The Job

This is the best I have seen all year! It is supposed to resemble an episode of cops! It had me cracking up because it is just like cops! Enjoy!

Santa Claus & The Cops

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

History of Eggnog

Well Hello! Happy Friday to everyone! Can't stay long just wanted to tell you all hello! This will be my last post until Monday! Busy day at work! We are having an office Christmas party! Yeah! Then tomorrow one of my friends and I are throwing a "Christmas Party" for all of our friends. We have been planning this for months and I am so excited! We have a lot of little loose ends to tie up before then but everything is coming together nicely!

Have a great weekend!

R.I.P. Snowman!

So how is everyone today? I have been terribly busy and have not had alot of time to post! I have something going JUST ABOUT every day between now and New Years! I am sure most of you all are the same way! I will stop into say "hello" and do quick updates but most of my post in the near future will probably consist of Christmas Cartoons! Gotta Love Them!

Have A Good Day!

Kids These Days!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Women Conserve Energy! Use Eco-Bra!

In Japan this winter the new rage will be the "Eco-Bra". This bra has eco-safe padding that you heat up in the microwave and then you wear this contraption to keep your "boobies" warm. Yup - you got it - keeping your girlie goods warm. Not only does it keep your girlie goods warm but it has a long "tail" that you can use to wrap around your neck as a scarf. I believe I read that it will also come with a pair of shorts. Strange stuff. This is suppose to help conserve energy by making woman warming up their girlie goods and therefore they won't need to use the heat? Well what about the rest of your body. I tell you what my girlie goods are the last thing that gets cold! I think they should spend more time on - you know - anything other than keeping select "body parts" warm. Sheesh!