Bittersweet Week

I am so fortunate that I am in nursing school because I know there are lots of people that can't afford to be or have applied and can't get in. This week has been exhausting and I am not sure why! We have only been in this semester three weeks and it already feels like a lifetime! I think it just caught up with us so fast!

We also had a couple of ladies this week who didn't pass their third round of their math test who face having to leave the program. They are so smart and will make great nurses but nerves just got the best of them. It has been hard because I know what they are going through adn it is a horrible feeling. I am hoping that the ones that make the deciscions provide them mercy today but I also know it is in God's hands and he has a plan for everyone!

It was also bittersweet because the hospital we toured yesterday I had three friends have babies there. One friend no longer lives here and I miss her! The other I am still friends with but we just don't talk very often because of life circumstances & sadly seems we drifted some but hopefully that isn't the case! The third is hard to explain really...I don't really know what happended to us tho I have said my sorry's and forgave them even without them asking and feel like we are at a clean slate but our relationship just has no momentum right now so I am not sure if that is a God thing or what but I will continue to pray about it. Truthfully, God takes people in and out of our lives for a reason and if they are meant to be back in our lives it will happen and if not then we can only remember the good times.

Well....guess I better get off of her....gotta get up and get a few things done because we are going with Baylee's Show Choir on a field trip today to an out of town competition and won't be back until late tonight! I am going to try to record the show and will post here later!

Happy Friday everyone!

Robitussin Take Me Away!!!

I feel bad. I mean I don't mean just the regular blahs. I am talking about laying in bed all week coughing and hacking. Brian makes fun of me when we talk because he thinks it sounds like I am barking like a dog. Yup that is how we know when it is bronchitis...Brian barks back. I have drank fluids, I have laid around all week, and I have drank Robitussin the past two days like it is going out of style! I REALLY hope I am feeling better by tomorrow. :( My house is a disgusting wreck. I mean REALLY bad. I haven't done a thing all week because when I move I cough. When I cough it hurts. When it hurts I choke. When I choke I get sick. Anyone that knows me knows I don't handle "getting sick" well. So here I lay...I am actually getting up right now to wash clothes and try to pick up a FEW things so the house won't be such a disaster. I am going to pick Baylee up from USM choir camp and I PRAY I don't start coughing during the middle of the program!!

Happy Housewife! :)

It's official! I am now an official SAHM (Stay At Home Mom), House Wife and College Student! I do all three so I don't know what my official title will be.

I actually have been a SAHM for almost 3 weeks now but with Brian working out of town and all the holidays this is my actual "first" week of testing it out. I don't start school until next week so I am tyring to get alot done over the next week and the weekend. I will be at school Tuesdays & Thursdays. I will be home Monday/Wednesday/Friday and everyday I will be home by the time my 6th grader gets home from school.

I have gotten mixed responses about my decision. I have learned that some people sure can be hypocritical. For whatever reason it is okay if some people want to be SAHM but not others. This is the second time I have tried this and for the second time a few people kind of turn their nose up about it. Oh well. I won't complain because I know I am doing what is the best for me and my family and most importantly doing what God has called me to do. I love them anyway and they have their right to their opinion but I do hope that they end up realizing how much of a good thing this is. It has been only two days and I am in love! I have been brought to tears twice with emotion! Ha! I am a crier...what can I say!

I am able to do things I wasn't able to do when I was a working mom. We now have time for me to get up and actually fix breakfast for the whole family and us all sit down at the table together to eat! I fix my husbands lunch, take my daughter to school when I need to, do chores around the house that were always put on the backburner. My favorite part is that at this time usually I would still be at work and could possibly be there another 30 minutes. YET I am now at home COOKING dinner!! A dinner that won't have to be picked up at a fast food resturaunt because we are too late getting home to a cook and a dinner that will be eaten together at the table because we aren't too tired to eat there!

I know for you that are already SAHM moms this probably isn't a big deal but from a working woman with no time for her family this is awesome! I will be able to spend more time with Brian before he deploys, be with my daughter more and do what I need to do to finish nursing school!

Life Change!

I'm back for the 100th time! This time I am here with WONDERFUL news!! This coming Wednesday, December 16th, 2009, will be my last day as a paralegal! I am very blessed to now become a full-time mom, military wife and...*drum roll*...college student! Yes, that is right I will begin college again (at the age of 30!!) in the spring. I will be full-time and I am oh so excited. I will be applying for nursing school in the fall so please stick around for my journey!

The hubby is getting ready to deploy withing the next year or so (again). I am one of his units ombudsmen so I am very excited about having more time to spend with him and more to help the other families...especially those that may be experiencing this for the first time.

I am also very excited to be able to do more things as a wife and mom. This is my FAVORITE part of this life change and a part of my life that has been neglected far too long.

Another thing that I think I am going to try is to Vlog occasionally. (Video blogging) We will see how that goes! :)

Hope you have a great day!

Life List Update

Well this "updating" sure is going slow. Though, I guess a life list keeps growing most of the time!

Just an update:

Places To Visit:
Wyoming
Colorado
New York
California
Vegas!
Grand Canyon
Canada
Alaska
Hawaii
London
Venice Italy
Rome Italy
Madrid Spain
Tahiti
Jamaica
Bahamas
Cancun
Cozumel
Key West
Pennsylvania - Hershey Park & Historical Sites
Bora Bora

Things I Would Like To Do or Learn In My Lifetime:
Play the Piano
Play the Guitar
Fly A Plane
Go on A Cruise
Rock Climbing
Hike Up A Mountain
Snow Ski
Speak Spanish
Learn Sign Language
Swim with Dolphins
Fly in A Helicopter
Fly in A Hot Air Balloon
Finish Nursing School
Get some sort of degree (if not in nursing)
Start A Business
Write a Book
Go to the Oprah Show!
Ride Horseback on the beach!
Pay off 4-Wheeler!
Sell Brian's Truck!
Pay off Tahoe!
Pay off old Credit Card Bills!

Around The House
Organize my closets
Clip & Organize articles out of my old magazines and toss magazines!
Paint my bedroom
Paint my kitchen
Paint my living area
Organize all of my pictures
Scan all pictures in and put the on CD's
Get backyard fenced!
Organize & paint laundry room
Organize all cabinets – bathroom & kitchen
Organize Baylee's room….again!!

Books to Read or Read Again (In 2009):
Dear John – Nicholas Sparks
At First Sight – Nicholas Sparks
Three Weeks With My Brother – Nicholas Sparks
True Believer – Nicholas Sparks
The Wedding - Nicholas Sparks
Predator – Patricia Cornwell
Trace – Patricia Cornwell
I Heard That Song Before – Mary Higgins Clark
No Place Like Home – Mary Higgins Clark
Ghost Ship – Mary Higgins Clark
Before I Say Goodbye – Mary Higgins Clark
Mount Vernon Love Story – Mary Higgins Clark
Yada Yada Prayer Group (Re-read my old ones and catch up on the new ones)
Mitford Series – Jan Karon
Step On A Crack – James Patterson
Judge & Jury – James Patterson
Little Women
The Secret
Twilight Series
Harry Potter Series
The Adventures of Hucklberry Finn
Beloved
The Catcher in the Rye
The Good Earth
The Sound and the Fury

Health Goals:
Teeth cleaned!
Cavities filled
Eat more fruits & vegetables
Drink 8 glasses of water a day
Exercise at least 30 minutes everyday
Lose 10 lbs
Lose 20 lbs
Lose 30 lbs
Lose 40 lbs
Lose 50 lbs
Lose 60 lbs
Lose 70 lbs
Lose 80 lbs
Lose 100 lbs

Here We Go Again...

I had a dream about getting a positive pregnancy test last night. When I woke up this morning I thought what the heck...and I took a test. Instantly, I saw only 1 line. I went and did a few things for Baylee and got her going for the day. I came back and I saw the faintest of a 2nd line. I mean FAINT as in my mom would probably have to put on her readers to see it. It was definitely there though. If you have read my blog you will know that we have tried for years to have another baby. Then in June I found out I was pregnant and then had a miscarriage. I was only around 5 weeks. Either way, it was still very sad. Not a lot of people knew but it hurt just the same. It was very hard to tell my husband. I have decided this time instead of saying ANYTHING I am going to wait a few more days - probably until Sunday - and test again. Who knows, maybe the "faint" line is an evaporation line or just a fluke. I just can't go through all the heartache again. So I am going to pray it is for real BUT I will really try hard to not get my hopes up. I kind of feel bad writing this here but I have to get it off my chest. Plus, anyone reading this that knows my husband knows he is more of "tell me when you know for sure" type person. (Especially after the m/c.).

**UPDATE** It was negative when I retested. :(

Lead By Example

I can't say that I am always the best example but I strive to be that way. During the school year most of the time Baylee eats lunch at school. On the rare occasion I pack her lunch I might slip in a note. It has probably been a year since I have done that. Well today Brian needed me to run home at lunch. He asked Baylee to fix me a sandwich to grab and take with me. Halfway back to work I took my sandwich out of the bag...pulled back the napkin it was so sweetly and carefully wrapped in and found this...

Sure makes a momma's heart proud. My little sweet girl!! :-)

Summer Camp = Sad Mom!!

We drove Baylee to a week long, Operation Purple, summer camp last Sunday. I was so sad to leave her and I am SOOOO ready to go pick her up. I know she is having fun but I just miss that I can't talk to her everyday. I have sent several cards to her this week but it is not the same as hearing her voice. Brian has harassed me all week about the fact that I will be one of "those" moms when she goes off to college. At which point I promptly reminded him that we would not have to worry about it because she can will be living with us until she gets married (if I let her leave then!). I know, I know...wishful thinking on my part but let me live in my fantasy world until it happens, will ya? *grin* This morning when I was getting dressed I was thinking about several things.

First, new moms always think that their baby is the best baby...Lord knows I thought that (& still do sometimes!). It made me think...is it fair for me to feel this way? Of course, most people choose their children as "the best" but if you really think about it EVERYONE is SOMEONES baby. Imagine how much easier life would be if people would realize this small fact of life. I think if we all thought of each other (and each other's children) as "someones baby" it makes them seem more human. More lovable. Hmmm...random thoughts I know.

The second thing I thought about is no matter how old your "babies" get they will always be your babies. I was lying in bed last night and having trouble sleeping thinking about all the things moms think about. (Is Baylee having fun, is she safe, is she happy, did she brush her teeth?) After about a half-hour of lying there my thoughts drifted to the day Baylee was born. It was the perfect delivery. She was born April 6, 1998, 4:32 p.m., 6lbs 8oz, 21 inches of pure beauty. Perfect in every way. She slept good, ate good and all together was a good baby. I think before I even had her I had pretty good mother instincts but it seems the second she was born they kicked in full blast. I could not sleep while at the hospital until I knew she was safely beside me. For the first two months of her life I would lie awake and watch her sleep. For the past 11 years I get up countless times and run in her room just to lay my hand on her chest to make sure she is okay. On many of those nights I lay down beside her and think about her life and hope everyday that she knows how much her daddy and I love her.

She is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to us. Brian and I like to say she is the best accomplishment we have ever made...raising a beautiful, smart, funny and sweet daughter. Sadly, we experienced a loss in June. What we would have hoped to be a baby brother or baby sister to our already perfect family. It was not God's timing. I grieved in my own time and now I am ready to move on. We do hope to give Baylee a sibling but sibling or no sibling...she is perfect to me.

~DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO~

I am very excited for my daughter! I will be honest and say that often times she doesn't have a great voice. I do think that it is more b/c of "trying to hard" and not "lack of talent". I PERSONALLY can't save to sing my life but she got that from her father's side of the family. I think with a little help she could get better. I know here music teacher all the way through elementary school loved her. We were excited that out of over 150 kids that tried out that she made it in the middle school choir. I don't think she will be a soloist anytime soon but I am just so proud of her and I know she will really enjoy it! Yeah Baylee!!!

Oh Baby, Baby

I had mentioned in a previous post our desire to add to our already wonderful family! Well it is official. Starting yesterday, March 1st, we are back on the TTC wagon. As I mentioned before we had been on the TTC wagon for a little while. Then we found out my sister-in-law was pregnant and out of respect for her first pregnancy decided to give her a little time AND get through the holidays before we tried again. We are going to try for 6 months and then take a break for awhile. There are several reasons behind that but that will have to be another post all together! So what are we doing different this go around you ask:

1. Taking Provera

2. Taking Origins for Women - for reproductive health

3. Will begin in April taking clomid

4. Basal bady temps

5. Charting

6. Diet & Exercise

If it is meant to be it will happen. If not we do understand it is God's will at this time. I will try to update at least once a month. :-)

Sweet Little Heart...

...even though she was sarcastic at school. :-) I shared the bad so I thought I would share a good. I really think there should be a good balance! Ha! Brian and I were both out of town last weekend for Valentines day. Baylee stayed with her mamaw Sally. Mamaw Sally, my mom and myself all go to the same church. They had a Valentines dinner on Saturday night. While there my mom gave Baylee a Valetines card with $5.00 in it. The next morning at Church Baylee put part of her money in the offering plate and then gave part to my mom. She walked up to her and said, "Nana, I want you to send this to those little kids that don't have any food." See my mom (Nana) has a box at her house and everytime we go over Baylee puts extra change/cash in it. When my mom has a certain amount she sends it to the poor.

We have really tried to teach Baylee that everything isn't always about making yourself happy...that you can simply make yourself happy by helping others. I am so proud of her because this is something that she has picked up so well!

It is funny that the little things make you feel so good......a hug, a smile, a kind word, holding a door open or any small gesture of kindness.

I am glad that Baylee learned so well because I can learn (or be reminded) simply by watching her. I am very bless to have such a sweet daughter. :-)

Sarcasm in School...

......isn't always the best policy! Even when you ARE just playing around and not trying to be rude. I asked yesterday how she did in school yesterday and she said I got an "R" for rudness. I asked her "Fooorrrr whhhattt???". The story goes a little something like this...

Substitute Teacher: “Baylee”

Baylee: “That’s my name. You got questions and I got answers.”

So this officially makes me a bad mom because I couldn't help but laugh. I called Brian and told him and he laughed harder than I did! She said mom I wasn't trying to be rude I was just letting her know I knew the answers. LOL!

We don't know WHERE in the WORLD she gets it from...

Baylee Tales

Baylee went to Knoxville with her grandparents this past week and this is a conversation she had with her great-uncle:

Uncle: (Points to a castle in Gatlinburg) and says "That's where they rescue princesses like you from."

Baylee replies: "I don't want to be rescued, I want to slay the dragon!"

I guess she gets that from Brian. LOL!!!!!!!!!

Life Is So Short

I have been sad since I heard about John Travolta's son dying today...all from hitting his head on the bathtub. I am so sad for his family!! I guess this really gets to me this week because Baylee is gone with her grandparents to Knoxville and I have missed her so much and worried about her. She is in great hands but just like this situation...you never know what can happen. Anyway, just had to post this and get it off my chest. :-(

TTC #2

Well it is that time again!! Brian and I have one beautiful daughter - Baylee - she will be *gulp* 11 years old in April!! In the last 9+ years we haven't "prevented" pregnancy but we haven't exactly been trying either. Last year when Brian returned from deployment we decided (finally we were on the same page!) to ttc #2. We tried for several months until my grandmother passed away. We slacked off some for a few months and around the time we started back found out my SIL was pregnant. She is in her late 30's and being her first child I talked to my husband and we decided to wait until the first of the year tomorrow before we start ttc again. This gives her time to experience her first pregnancy without being compared to others. Also, my first pregnancy was hard as I didn't get to experience it with my "husband". My first husband was killed in a car wreck while I was pregnant with Baylee. My husband (now) adores Baylee and is in the process of adopting her. She adores him and knows she has one daddy in heaven and one on earth. After all, we have been together since she was 15 months old and he is the only daddy she has ever known. So back to the story - not only to give her time to enjoy her pregnancy but the same for us. This will be the first pregnancy that I would be able to share with someone and actually been my husbands first pregnancy to go through as well.

So - starting tomorrow Jan. 1st - we are back in the ttc challenge! Yes I DO mean challenge! Ha! I have always been irregular and was told by doctors that they were surprised I was even able to conceive Baylee. A couple of weeks ago I had a doctor's appointment that was very discouraging. Basically, I was told that they did not think I could conceive any more children. Some of it may be my weight but most of it is the fact that I have always had issued even when I was a size 5! Brian and I decided - doctors are NOT God. We are going to start this year out right. Getting in shape, bbt, vitamins, etc. Then we will go from there! We are going to try for about 6 months and after that point we will talk again and decide if we want to continue to try. Alot of it has to do with our kiddos will already be 11/12 years apart and we really don't want them to be any further in age.

More later...

Almost 2009

I for one cannot believe it is 2009 already (Well in a few days anyway)!! Yup...it is that time again...New Years Resolutions!! I can't say right off the top of my head that I have any. I have a lot of things I have been wanting to try to do and have already started to do. Just the usual:

* Lose Weight (Duh!)
* Organize my home & office (Already started!)
* Start our weekly family game night again
* Be more focused at work
* Stay in contact with my family and friends better

Like I said...just the usual. I don't know...maybe it will work, maybe it won't but I am trying anyway!!!

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Today Baylee left with her grandparents to go to Knoxville. I always dread her traveling so far away form me but I know she is in good hands. She will have a good time. She is going up to visit her great-grandfather and great-uncle. They are sweet and I wish I was going with her! :-) Though, I really don't have any time to take off of work. I enjoy that area of Tennessee so much. Brian and I went up and stayed in a cabin in the mountains with our very OWN indoor pool...right in the middle of the cabin. It was so nice and relaxing. A good time to relax, meditate, reflect, pray, etc.

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Brian has been working on his "baby" in our garage. I am SO ready for him to get finished with this truck but I really think there is FINALLY a light at the end of the tunnel!! For a birthday gift his dad has helped purchase over half of the things that he needs to get it going. He really is almost done with it and I am SOOOO glad. This truck has been an eye sore for 6 years now! I love him and even though that truck is SO ugly to me right now (and will be for sometime) it is his baby! Well as long as he is happy....and we don't have a car note....well then I am happy!

More Later...

Is Santa Real? To Tell or Not To Tell

Saturday my daughter Baylee (she is 8 and in the 3rd grade) tells me, "Momma, Madison told me her parents said there was not santa claus and that the gifts come from them." I think oh no here we go. So the answer I gave her was this, "Baylee, you are a big girl now. You can belive whatever you want but I will tell you like Nana told me when I was little. If I stop believing in Santa I don't get gifts from him anymore - only gifts from my family." She said, "Okay I believe." That was the end of the conversation.

My mom never told me there was not a Santa and I still get gifts from "santa" at her house. I just don't know if I should tell her or not. I think when you know it takes some of the fun out of Christmas. What age did you find out? Or when did your kids find out? If you have/or decide to tell them what will you say?

Mommy Dilemma!!!

My Cousin Traci over at Mostly Precious Moments is having a Mommy dilemma!!! Go over and read her post and leave her some advice if you can! Thanks!!!

Children, Exercise & Coke In Schools

This morning on the radio I heard them talking about pepsi & coca cola signing an agreement to take all regular pepsi & coke out of the vending machines (leaving water, diet drinks, etc.). I am not sure if this is just in Mississippi or if it is nationwide. They had callers telling their opinion of this and most of them agreed with it. I, as a mom, agree with it for more than one reason. One of which is that childhood obesity is at a staggering high. Not to mention that the sugar in these (and other drinks) is horrible for your teeth! So I will say that I am very impressed with this. I think that they are following the trends that even McDonald's and Wendy's have begun following. They even offer you children a choice of milk & fruit cup instead of coke & fries. I think it is a great idea.

We began this week working out in our household! (Lord help me!) My daughter (who is 8) stays in the childcare center while we workout. Afterwards, as a family we all walk/job a short distance. I think it is a good time to start getting her used to the idea of exercise.

What do you think about the Pepsi/Coca Cola in schools?

Do your children "exercise" or do you have any tips that I could use to get my daughter to enjoy exercise more?

I would love to hear about them!

Finally Admitted It!

We were at my mom's house and my hubby walked across the living room and plopped down in the chair with a *groan*.

I said, "Are you getting old?"

He said, "No just lazy.

My 8 year old daughter said without even looking up from her book so "matter of factly", "Well at least you finally admitted it."

I am telling you kids are something else! Where do they come up with these things!

She had us cracking up! All in all we had a pretty good weekend - kinda had some life changing things happen BUT that is another post in itself! Happy Monday to you all!