Ask and ye shall receive....

It's funny you mention divorce along with the weight loss because the one thing I fear is that people are going to look at me and think... "poor thing is so depressed, she's not eating and she's losing weight". WRONG... she is working her butt off and eating right. Don't get me wrong, being single again is definetly a motivator but the actual weight loss has nothing to do with getting a divorce. I'm not saying you think that, I know you know that I'm working hard...but I think a lot of people will assume that.

As far as what I'm eating and doing to stay motivated. It's really simple actually. I eat pretty much anything I want, I just write it all down and track the calories. I eat no more than 1200 during the week and no more than 1500 on the weekends. I have found that I'm naturally eating healthier though because I want to be able to still eat when I'm hungry, therefore in order to stay under, I have to eat healthy. I could eat chocolate cake everyday, but then I would be starving. I don't know how to explain it but it has finally clicked... food is nothing more than nourishment anymore. I don't daydream about food like I used to. Don't get me wrong, if I see a box of Krispy Kremes in the kitchen at work... the thought may cross my mind... but I simply tell myself no. I can either give in to that one moment of weakness or I can triumph and take pride over the fact that I didn't go for it. The longer that I've gone the easier it has gotten. There were donuts in the kitchen this morning and the thought to eat one never even crossed my mind. That stuff only makes me feel sad and depressed... I have enough going on that makes me sad and depressed... why add to it?

I've been eating lots of fruit and veggies. I've been taking my lunch everyday. I make myself drink 100 oz of water a day. It's not an option. I drink 1 on the way to work, 1 at lunch, 1 on the way home and 2 when I get home. I've just had to make it a habit. I've emptied my house of all junk food... other than Brayden's one box of Little Debbies that I let him have. They are HIS... I even wrote his name on them.

Something else that I have been doing is skipping breakfast... now I know that goes against everything everyone else says... but hey it's working for me. I find if I eat breakfast that I get really hungry around 10 or so and go hunting down sweets. Instead, I just wait until 10 to eat my first thing for the day. I have a cup of coffee when I first get to work and that keeps me satisfied until that time. I either eat a banana or yogurt and then I don't eat again until lunchtime. For lunch, I eat a Lean Cuisine or Smart One and then eat a tomato and cucumber with Fat Free Zesty Italian dressing... so good. I usually can't eat it all. I then make myself wait until at least 3 to eat again... even if I get hungry before then, I just pop a piece a gum, chug some water and tell myself no! I usually eat a 100 calorie pack of cookies, or some kind of Smart Ones dessert at 3. I leave work each day with about 600 calories left. That' s more than enough for dinner, including dinner at a fast food place. I make myself wait until atleast 6:30 for dinner. Dinner lately has consisted of Ramen noodles, or a huge bowl of sauteed squash. We have fast food about once a week, even pizza. If you stick to burgers w/o mayo or chicken, you can usually get away for less than 500 calories. Thin crust pizza isn't too bad either if you can stick to just 2 pieces. I try to save atleast 100 calories for "dessert". Sometimes dessert is 1/2 cup of ice cream, sometimes it's a big square of dark bakers chocolate. To be honest, most days I ended up about 100 calories under what I should be getting, that's not good either... I really try to make myself get all 1200 in. I never thought I'd be having to make myself eat.

The first 2 weeks were hard...but I made myself do it. It has gotten so much easier. It's become second nature.

As for exercise, again I just make myself do it. It helps that I have someone to do it with. She counts on me to show up every night and I count on her. Unless something urgent comes up, everyone in my life has learned that at 7:30 every night, Traci will be walking. Even Brayden has accepted... he complains, but he knows that no matter what, we are going, so he might as well suck it up and go along. It's been so hot lately that I've been going to the gym instead. On the rare occasion that I can't go, I bought a Pilates DVD and I do it instead. I took a free Pilates class a few weeks ago and OMG... I hurt in places that I've never hurt before. I like it because it gives you long lean muscles instead of bulky muscles. Speaking of, I only use machines at the gym... resistance training is much better for women vs. weights. You get to tone without adding bulk...I've been doing it about 3 times a week and haven't bulked up... just toned up.

The most important thing that I have done is finally gotten into my head that I HAVE to take care of me and that it's ok to put me first sometimes. I don't care if Brayden is tired of eating vegetables and hates not having soda in the house. Guess what, after a few weeks he quit whining about not having cokes and cookies and he's actually learned to enjoy some new foods. He loves squash now. I don't care if he doesn't want to put down the Playstation to go walking for 45 minutes, this isn't about him. I say that but actually it is about him too, one of the biggest things I can do for him is to teach him at this early age, how to be healthy, to get him in the habit of exercising. He will thank me one day. I want to be around for him 20 years from now. I want to be able to run and play with him. I'm doing this for both of us and I can't allow myself to feel selfish just because he doesn't always like it. I spent the last 10 years taking care of everyone but me and look where it got me... fat and alone!!

Ok, so that was kind of quick and dirty and more of a rambling than an organized post... but hopefully it has made you think and given you some motivation. Tiffany this is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but at the same time.. it's absolutely the best I have felt about myself in a long time. I was so tired of looking at everyone else and being jealous because they were doing it and I just couldn't. Well I'm on the other side now and it feels great. You CAN do this!

I love you girl!!