1 Year Ago...

I realized this weekend, that we started this blog exactly one year ago. It was a very depressing realization. According to my first post, I should be enjoying my new skinny body by now. I should be way below the 180 mark and sitting here in my size 10's or less and writing about how great I feel. But I'm not...instead I'm sitting her in my snug size 18's feeling depressed. I'm sitting here thinking about how sad it is that as of today I'm actually 3 lbs more than my "official weigh in" (221) at this time last year. I feel like such a failure. Why can't I get a grip?? Why can't I just stop putting all the crap in my mouth. If I had cancer and they had pills that made it worse, would I be poppin them like candy? No, but that's exactly what I'm doing. My risk of heart disease, diabetes, breast cancer and most other medical conditions gets higher with every single unhealthy bite I take. I can't continue to do this....I can't. I DON'T want to be writing a year from now about how I didn't do it.... again. By then I want to have written the post that says "yea, we finally did it", we are healthy and we look fabulous". Tiff, I know you want this more than anything and so do I... girl it's time we really do it. It's time to take control of our lives not for our husbands or our kids... but for us. I'm crying as I write this because I hate it...I hate it for both of us. I'm sad for both of us. I, more than anyone truly know what you are going through and I know you feel the same emotions I feel when it comes to weight. I hate that we have to go through this, but at least we have each other. No matter what, I know that you are absolutely the one person that will understand and encourage me without judging me. I love you for that. Let's do this, let's really do it. I'm going to try my hardest to encourage you everyday, to motivate you and remind you about why we have to do this and I want you to do the same. I love you and I want us to do this...I want you to do this. We need to do this. We HAVE to do this.