I have a Personal Trainer!!

So, I'm gettting ready this morning and I turn on our Christian radio station. (you can listen live on the internet here - it's awesome) They are having their day of Praise and Prayer today. Basically people call in and talk about what God has done for them. The common thread was "God did it, I couldn't have done it with Him, I had to let Him take control." So let's just say I had a bit of a "come to Jesus" meeting this morning. It's like he was screaming "Let go, Let me - you cannot do this alone, but I can do it through you". I am sick of doing this alone. I can't do this alone, so here is my prayer for today and everyday from here on out.

Jesus, my Lord and Savior. As of today, I am turning this over to you. Push me aside and take this thing head on. Help me to conquer my addictions to food and give me the drive that I need to get the exercise program back on track. It is not your will that I be fat and miserable. It is your will that I be healthy and happy! Let Your will be done God. I give this to you. I am just going to sit back and let you move in this situation. I've said it before, but the control freak in me just can't let go. Forgive me for not trusting in you enough to let go. I want to let go. Teach me how to let go. I need you pick me up and take me through this. I love you and am believing you for health, strength and happiness. Not only do I want to lose weight, I want to learn to love myself more. Teach me to love myself. Surround me with positive, supportive people that will only build me up. I commit to you today to do whatever it is you speak to me. Amen!

I've said a thousand times that if only I had a personal trainer, I could do this. They could motivate me and be there to hold me acountable. But they are so expensive!

Well, God just spoke to me and said "You do have a Personal Trainer! I've been sitting right here next to you this whole time just waiting for you to call and sign up. The best part is that I am FREE!!! I paid the fee along time ago! I will motivate you. I will hold you accountable. I will teach you and guide you. I will walk with you every step of the way. I am your Personal Trainer! I don't ever close, I'm always here for you"

So I went to Ask.com and decided to type in "What is a personal trainer"?

Here are some excerpts from what I found...

A qualified trainer understands principles of anatomy, physiology...

A certified personal trainer is the difference in a successful fitness program...

A certified personal trainer is proven to be unparalleled in achieving desired fitness levels, increased motivation, and long term wellness...

So I am declaring today that God is my new Personal Trainer!!

Confessions of a Pig: Part I & II & III & IV & so on

I basically could have reposted the last post everyday since that post. Just replace Maple Nut Goodies with ice cream, fries, cookies, etc... I have just completely thrown the calorie counting, water drinking, walking, and healthy eating out the window. I gave up! We went on vacation last Thursday and we just returned yesterday. Of course the word vacation is defined as "permission to eat anything you want" in my dictionary. Here are just of the few "not so healthy" choices I made this weekend.... Moose Munch, Cherry Cake Double Take (1100 calories!!!!) , Corn Dogs, Yogurt covered Pretzels, Cocoa Puffs, Fries, Chocolate Chip Walnut Cookies, Sugar Cookies, Smoked Sausage, Kettle Korn, Truffle (just 1 though), chocolate covered fruit (just 2), chips and salsa, Chocolate cake & I'm sure there are a few more. Can you say "SWEET TOOTH". Now keep in mind all of that is over the course of 4 days - but still!! I had quite a rude awakiening this morning when I stepped on the scale and saw 214!! That's 6 lbs since the 8th!

How Goes It?

So how has everyone been? Things have been crazy around here so I haven't had much time to even email much less post!! Just thought I would put up a picture from a float we were on at the St. Patty's Parade. (Some of mine & my daughters friends - my daughter is on the far right.) Hope everyone is well! Talk to you soon - I hope!

OH By the way - Bombadil & Goldberry's sites are up and going and "safe" again! I just now got around to adding them back! Glad to know!

Confessions of a Pig!

Yes...I said PIG!! I just call 'em like I see 'em. While I was out on lunch today I bought a bag of Maple Nut Goodies....one of my fave candies. Well I took them back into work with me...big mistake! I ate a few here and a few there and before I knew it... the bag was empty! Yes, over the course of 4 hours I ate all 28 pieces. Guess how many calories are in one Nut Goodie......28 - that's 784 calories in that whole bag!!! OMG!! The sad thing is that I actually looked at the nutritional info before I started. I knew there were that many calories in that bag. Did that stop me? Nope! Well what's done, is done. I was going to weigh tomorrow....but I think I may wait a few days. I might pass out!!

Just So Ya' Know

I got an email from Goldberry saying that she and Bombadil were having problems with their blogs and for us not to visit them. Earlier in the week I had gone there and my spyware picked up the Trojan virus. It caught it thank goodness but she had just warned not to go there until they say otherwise. THEREFORE, until I receive confirmation from Chandra (Goldberry) I will take their links off the side bar to protect others. Hopefully, they will be up and running soon!

Wednesday Weigh In: Traci

Ear Stapling

SO I actually follwed a fad - I went and got my ears (yes both of them) stapled. Yeah I haven't always been the brightest one when it comes to weight loss! Ha! It sounds wild but you can read about it at www.staplepower.com and I am sure you can do a search on the web for it. Me and one of my friends went last Thursday. I have heard of several people losing weight by doing this and the lady that put ours in lost 10 pounds in two weeks. It does say it won't work for everyone but I am at my wits end and I SO hope it works for me! I told my hubby that it may just be one of those things that is "all in your head" but all I know is - whatever works!! If it takes me putting staples in my ear to make me think I will lose some weight then so be it! Ha! I have already lost 10 pounds since January and I am SO hoping that by our Disney trip in May that I will lose that much more! I will keep you updated through the journey.

Have any of you heard of this or do you know anyone who has had any success with it? I would be curious to know!

Long Time No Post!!

So where to begin...

I don't know if you have heard of this new weight loss craze of "ear stapling". At first I was like, "What...?" Then I know of some people that have had positive results from it. One of my friends and I went yesterday and had it done to both ears (you can read a little about it here www.staplepower.com) We don't know if it is going to work or not but hey at least we won't regret not trying! I will keep you updated on that!

When I originally started trying to lose weight back in August I was 262. By the time we started this I was down to 258. Since then it has been a roller coaster ride! When we stareted our Biggest Loser competition at work I was back up to 260. This morning I decided to weigh in (for the first time in weeks) just so I would be able to tell by next week if the staples are working or not and guess what.....I WEIGHT 250!!! I don't know how I did it but I have lost 10 pounds! Maybe because I have not been stressed about trying to lose weight so I finally did it! Now I am pumped and I want to SO bad see that number get below 250! Anyway - I have to get back to work but I wanted to briefly update you on my status!

By the way, have you talked to Aunt Teresea and your mom about joining the site?

Food Finds

Just some foods and drinks that I have found that are good low calorie choices:

Listed in this format:
Food(linked to website)/Where I buy them/Calories


Pastry Twists - Wal-Mart/60 per twist
These are yuummmy! Brayden and Bobby like them too, so I have to buy enough to share.

High Protein Fruit Drink - Internet/70 per packet and 16g of protein T
These are the drinks I used to have to buy when I joined the local "weight loss center". I've just now realized I can buy them online. The wild berry is my favorite. The WLC recommended 3 a day, but I'm planning to do 2 a day. I definetly need to get more protein in and this is a great way to do it.

Edy's Light and No Sugar Added Ice Cream - Wal-Mart/90-130 per 1/2 cup
I've mentioned these before, but they are worth mentioning again. I've only had the Light, but it is awesome, so I'm guessing the other has to be pretty good also.

Eggo Toaster Swirlz - Wal-Mart/120 (1 set of 4)
These are a great fix for the sweet tooth. There are lots of other choices on the Eggo site that are low in calorie (the key is eating only what the serving is)

1/3 Less Sugar Cereals - WM/120 for 1 & 1/4 cups
I loooovee cereal. I always thought that I needed to give it up if I was trying to los weight. What I need to give up is eating 2 huge full bowls of it. (please tell me I'm not the only one??) The serving you get for 120 calories is actually quite a lot. Add 1 C 2% milk and you only have a total of 245 calories. I love to eat the Fruit Loops w/o milk for a afternoon snack also.

Frozen Vegetables - WM / 60-110 per cup
Both Birsdeye and Green Giant make some great vegetable "side dishes". I can eat 2 servings of these vegetables for dinner and be stuffed and stay under 200 calories. I really like vegetables but hate the chore of making fresh veggies tasty without adding a bunch of oil or butter.

Today Even The Music Cries

You hurt me - I don't think you even know.
I try and try not to let my feelings show.
I am only human my heart so tender and easy to bruise.
Why can't you say I am sorry or my bad or hey girl I tried!
How I long for someone to stand up for me and be by my side.
No admission at all - now the tears start to fall.
What is that I hear? Is it the music or is it tears?
I guess today even the music cries.

Predator Among Us

It has been in the news lately that a sexual offender who was from here, then moved to Missouri, has been in prison and NOW is being released after only 4 months. The bad news is...
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HE IS MOVING INTO MY NEIGHBORHOOD!!!

It is scary to many of us because it is just a normal middle class neighborhood loaded with kids! Not to mention he will be a neighbor of someone I know! They have at least 3 school buses just for my daughers school. HERE is an article from when he was originally arrested in Missouri and HERE is a link from one of our local news channels.

As a mom of an almost 8 year old I am pretty upset about all of this! What is your take on it? How would you feel?

Weekend Update

I did pretty good this weekend. I didn't get any exercise, but I stayed within my calories. I didn't get much water though. I did breakdown and buy 3 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies... who can resist GS cookies? Especially when I was a GS myself, I did it for the girls, for the cause....(yeah right). I at least got the Low Fat Lemon ones....they are my fave. I'm going to allow myself 3 a day (130 calories). I got thin mints too, but B & B have already polished those off. By the way, I have a new goal... Bobby and I are going to the Nascar race in Charlotte, NC for Memorial Day weekend. That is my final goal date. (oh yeah we have decided to hold off on a baby until after then). I'm calling my new goal "Countdown to Green". Just in case you don't know, that's what they call the days/hours leading up to the race (green as in green flag - GO) That gives me 89 days (almost 13 weeks)....so my goal is to average 3 a week....for a total of 38 lbs. As of today's weight that would bring me in at 174. I would be extremely happy with that weight, even though I would technically still be considered overweight. I am going to really begin to study the Biggest Loser info and I'm going to commit to doing it for one week 100% (after I go grocery shopping this weekend). Not that I am quitting after a week, I just reserve the right at that point to switch up a few things based on my tastes and schedule. My main thing is going to be to stay under the BL's recommended calories for me. (1500) and to get 30-40 minutes of cardio 3 days a week and 3 days of "strength training. The exercise alone should make a big difference since I haven't really been doing any for the last few weeks. My weight loss goal for Wednesday is to be back down to 210.

Brad & Jen Finally Divide the Loot!

BRAD Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have agreed a multi-million-pound divorce settlement, Finally. The couple thrashed out the deal just over a year after they announced their split.

Friends star Jen, 37, will keep the 16.6million mansion they lived in for five years of marriage. The 12,000sq ft Beverly Hills property boasts eight bedrooms, six bathrooms, a pool, spa and tennis courts.

In return, Pitt, 42, holds on to the controlling share of their film company, Plan B Productions, believed to be worth more than 28million.
It's hot property after making 12 successful indie movies, including Tim Burton's Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. All I know is I really wouldn't mind getting either end of that deal!!

Food Find

You have to try these...they are so yummy and only 60 calories per twist. I've only had the california almond and original. They have been my little secret at home for a while.... Brayden and Bobby stayed away because I said they were good for you... good as in "better than the junk I would usually choose" Well last night I had them taste it.....big mistake. The entire bag was devoured by the end of the night.


By the way, I forgot to post my weight yesterday but it was back down to 211!!

Dunkin' Donuts!!

Ok, so I wrote that post and got all inspired and I haven't been back since... It's not because I haven't been on the program, I've just been so busy and haven't had a chance to get back here. So I'm here now. I'm excited about weighing in tomorrow. I just hope I'm back down to where I was a few weeks ago. I do have a confession to make. Someone brought in Krispy Kremes today and I took a raspberry filled one from the box and brought it back to my desk. I didn't want anyone to see me eat it (um, that's a sign that you have a problem), so I put it in a napkin and was going to wait until the room cleared before I ate any. Well thank goodness I did that, because the longer it sat there there more guilt I felt. I looked at it and imagined how good it tastes and in my head I said "screw it, I want that donut" and almost as soon as I thought that I thought - well you're not eating it...just throw it away...and that's what I did. I have just thrown a perfectly good Kripsy Kreme in the trash. I actually felt guilty for throwing it away because someone else might have wanted it and now I have taken it and trashed it - but you know what? Nobody else really needs that junk either!

I figured instead of putting a picture of the yummy donut, I'd put a picture of the nutrition label!!

Show Me The Weight Loss! Show Me The Weight Loss!

You had me at "I don't know what happened"! Reading that definitely gave me a Jerry McQuire moment! That was deep stuff but oh so true! I even had to send it to my mom! She responded with this:

wow that is so profound and inspirational and SOOOOOOOO TRUE! Tell her we will pray for her courage and ask her to pray for ours. To be brave enough to fight this giant. p.s. bet she got an "A" in speech class too!

I mean really that was SO true! Though I will say there has been alot in my life that I say I want but I really don't give 100%. I mean I really do want it but it is like I don't know why I don't try harder!! The thing is I DO deserve to do better than I do about alot of things! Plus, I mean how hard is it really to say no! I mean I say no to lots of other things that would keep me from reaching other goals so why is this so hard! I think you hit the nail on the head when it comes to almost feeling like a drug addict would feel! This HAS to be how they feel! We have got to do this! It is so important to us and it is just time! Every time I try to make an excuse I am going to remember the "speech" you just gave and say DOG GONE IT! I am WORTH this!! All I have to say about what you wrote is this!

*clap* *clap* *clap* BRAVO!

What A Blur!!

Things have been flying by the past week or so for me! It has been wild!! So what have I been doing you ask? Well....

Last Thursday
I had an assignment due in my biology class. Then that night my hubby, daughter and I went with my best friend's family to the Rodeo. The kids loved it! We also got to see Dierks Bentley while we were there! Hubba! Hubba!

Friday
A bunch of us were supposed to go out for my best friend's hubbies and mom's bdays but the birthday folks decided they didn't want to go. I ended up going to my friends house and eating some yummy steak & twice baked potatoes! We had to go over to visit her mom and tell her happy birthday and check out her soon to be finished/remodeled kitchen. We went and grabbed a couple of movies and then that was when I got the call. What call you ask? My husband - who is the the USCG and was on his way to drill several hours away - called and said, "Baby, I have bad news. I am halfway there and just realized when I dropped you off you left you keys in the ignition and now I have them with me!" OH NO! I was LOCKED out of my house from Friday night until Sunday night! My daughter was already spending the night with my friends daughter so I was invited to make myself at home for the night on their couch!

Saturday
I had to get up early while everyone was asleep and go buy me and my daughter all the necessities needed when you spend a weekend from home! I guess one good thing out of the deal is I got new clothes and make-up! Ha! After that I picked my daughter up from my friend's house and we went to my mom's. We (me, mom, daugher and 10 year old brother) rode to my 23 year old brothers house to check out all the work he has done! Then we went shopping & browsing! Afterwards we went back to mom's and had lunch and the adults napped while the kids watched a movie! Oh boy was it nice! That afternoon my friend called to see if I wanted to go out with a group of my other friends but I told her to go ahead and I would plan to join in the next weekend or so because I was going to go out to eat with my family and go watch Motocross! It was SO good! They do the coolest tricks on those motorcylces and 4-wheelers! I would be scared to death! Ha! My 7 year old daughter whats a motorcycle now. She liked them even before that night because her uncle has a room full of trophies from all of his motocross!

Sunday
My best friend called me around 8:30ish to update me on the night before and to find out if we were going to church. Since I was locked out I didn't have church clothes and she had a family function to go to with her hubby we skipped church for the week and promised to get back in the swing of things next week! My step-dad cooked us a great breakfast and then we went out to my step-grandparents farmhouse. They have horses and dogs everywhere! The kids had a blast. Afterwards we all went for pizza and then riding around looking for new cars! When we got back to my mom's I got my things packed together and was on my way to meet my hubby (who was coming back in town) and I got another call from him saying he had a little fender bender! No damage done so HOPEFULLY all will be fine! I was so glad to be home Sunday night - we even turned on the gas logs and just relaxed!

Monday
Back to work - I was SO tired from all of my going that weekend! I had to spend my lunch hour running around buying stuff for my daughters Valentine's party. After work I met my hubby & daughter for dinner and then I headed back to my best friends mom's house for our weekly Monday night meeting of watching The Bachelor! I got home and worked a couple of hours I was WIPED by the time I finally crawled into bed!

Tuesday
Happy Valentine's Day! I got up and got my daughter off to school to get a sugar high on all the candy the would be eating that day! Me and a friend met my mom and one of her friends for lunch. After work we went and met my whole "immediate" family to take my grandmother out for dinner for Valentine's day. It was a really wonderful time and with her Alzheimers I cherish every moment that we spend that way! I took her back to the nursing home and the hubby headed to the house. When I got home the hubby was cleaning up. My daughter went on to bed and the hubby allowed me to take a nice long, hot, bubble bath in the jacuzzi tub! After I got out I got a massage and some TLC from the hubby!

Wednesday
Went to work and then went home and worked some more! At bed time we realized my mini-schnauzers batteries for his collar for the underground fence must have gone dead. He had gotten out and we took 1 hour and 1/2 or longer looking for him! After my hubby found him we FINALLY got into bed!

Today
I am at work and super busy! Not to mention right after 5:00 I have an assignment for school due. Then I have to go home and work some more (I have really been putting in some O.T.!) and start studying for a check test that will be tomorrow.

Weekend Plans
My best friend is having a root canal done tomorrow so I offered to watch her daughter if she would like me to. Saturday if the weather is good I have to help my mom at my grandmothers house. Then we may get together with a bunch of our friends Saturday night and go out. Sunday morning Church of course and then Sunday afternoon hopefully some R&R! Somewhere in between all of that chaos I have to squeeze in some study time for my Biology mid-term next week!

Whew! So are you tired! I know I am! I guess I will talk to you later! If you don't hear from me until this time next week you know why! ;-)

What do you want??

I don't know what has happened. I was so gung ho for a while and doing so good and now it's like I have lost all my motivation. I weighed this morning and I'm up to 213....wrong direction!! I need to figure out where I fell off and jump back on while I'm still fit enough to catch the train! I'm not going to make any excuses, (even though I have a ton of them running through my head) The truth is I obviously just don't want it bad enough....but I do! Or so I think I do!!

How does that happen? How can someone want something more than anything in the world, but not want to do what it takes to have it. It's not like I'm 5'6" wanting to be 6'. I want something that IS possible, something that is as easy as just making the decision to do it. I will never understand it. If I had some horrible deadly disease and they offered me a cure, I would do anything it took to get the cure. I would think I was worthy of receiveing it. But somehow this disease is different. I like the way the disease tastes, I like the way this disease makes me feel (in the moment anyway). But on the other hand this disease IS killing me...slowly. It interrupts my livelyhood, it makes me cry, it makes me depressed, it makes me feel weak and unworthy, yet somehow the good feeling I get from it is more powerful then the horrible feeling it also gives me. It truly is like a heroine addiction (not that I know from personal experience) The more the addict does it, the more they want. When they do it, it makes them feel wondeful, but afterwards they hate themselves....but they continue to go back, over and over again.

I am worthy of this...WE are worthy of this. We are worthy of the money it takes, the time it takes and the support needed from those that love us.

I am robbing my marraige.
I am robbing my relationship with Brayden.
I am robbing my future.

I say there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for my child, yet there is...

CAN I do this? Yes
Do I NEED to do this? Definetly
Do I really WANT to do this? Honestly? I'm not sure. I definetly want to lose weight, but I don't know if I want to do what it takes to do it. If I did...wouldn't I be doing it? My body doesn't want to do it and I'm not sure that my mind is quite on board with the idea either.

They (who are "they" anyway) always say with any addiction that not only do you have to want it, but you have to want to do it what it takes to overcome it. I disagree.... I don't think I have to want to workout everyday for the rest of my life and I don't think I have to want to skip dessert from now on. If I waited until I wanted to do those things, then I'm not sure I would ever do it.

So the real question is.. CAN I do something that I really don't want to do? Do I have the inner strength to suck it up and do what it takes even when I don't want to do it? YES. YES I DO!!

and I have proof...

I stood in front of my college Speech Orientation class every Monday night and gave a speech. I DID NOT want to. I knew I wasn't good at it. I HATED it. But I dug down and found the strength to do it anyway. I did it because I wanted the "A" and it was worth it.

I made myself vulnerable and laid on a table, half naked for hours with my legs spread open in front of my husband, mother and a room full of complete strangers. I definetly DID NOT want to...but I did. I knew the reward was worth. Brayden was worth it.

I packed up my stuff and my son and left my husband after almost 5 years of marragie to go live with my parents. I DID NOT want to!! I loved him and wanted to be with him. I bawled my eyes out along the way, but I did it. As heartbreaking and scary as it was...I DID IT! I found strength in God, in my family and most of all strength in myself that I did not know was there. At the time I didn't know it would come to be one of the best things that ever happened to our marriage and probably the only reason we are still together today. So was it worth it?? Yes, even though at the times it was so hard and my heart ached! Even though I felt weak and wanted to give up sometimes.

So do I want to do all of the hard work that it takes? Want to? Not really. Will I? Yes. Because I know the reward will be worth it.

It will be really hard at times. There will be mornings when my muscles will ache as I climb out of bed. I will have moments of weakness. There will be days that I feel like giving up. So even though I really don't want to do what it takes... I know that I have the strength and the determination to do it anyway. I WILL do this...not because I want to... but because I have to. For Bobby, for Brayden and most importantly....FOR ME!!

I hope there comes a point in this process that I will actually enjoy exercising and I hope there comes a time when I enjoy passing on the dessert...but for now it's going to be all about inner strength and doing what I don't really want to do.

Do you REALLY want it??

What things have you done in life that you really didn't want to do?

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!

These roses are for each of you and they represent friendship! If any of you are giving roses today here are some helpful hints to make sure you are sending the right message! Enjoy!

Rose Color Meaning
Amaranth Red Long Standing Desire
Cardinal Red Sublime Desire
Carmine Red Deceitful Desire
Firey Red Flames of Passion
Black roses Death, Hatred, Farewell. Mostly used at funerals.
Orange and Coral roses Desire
Lavender/Purple roses Sublime Desire
Peach/Pale colored roses Deceitful Desire
Pink Roses Flames of Passion
Light Pink Roses Death, Hatred, Farewell. Mostly used at funerals.
Orange & Yellow Roses Enthusiasm, Desire, Passionate thoughts.
Yellow Roses Joy, Friendship.
White Roses Reverence, Humility.

Weigh - In Wednesday - Traci

So I am sad to say that I weighed in this morning at 212.2 Honestly I was expecting it to be higher after yesterday!! I've done good so far today and plan to do so from now one! I can really tell I worked out. I'm sore and I only did 20 minutes.

I really like the deskercizes you posted!! I'm going to try to do some!!!

BTW - You are doing a great job!!!