Knowing Right from Wrong....

...but I still "emotionally" ride the fence. I have the "blahs" right now and I hope when I go to bed and wake up...AND THROUGH PRAYER...that the blahs are gone tomorrow. I dealt with a situation today that was rough. I was in a situation where I had to tell the truth and telling the truth is ALWAYS the right thing to do. I know I did the right thing and I know the outcome was right deep down in my heart and soul. I know what happen WAS God's will and through prayer it was a great thing. I just feel bad...as a Christian...for the other person that was adversly affected. What happend to the other person as a result of what they did they deserved. I just emotionally feel sad for the other person. They are lost and can't even see the wrong of their ways. I just hate the knot I have in my stomach right now.

I Got The "Go Go" In My Blood...

I don't know what my problem has been lately. I have just been in the mood to GO. Not so much go but just feel I don't know...adventurous...lets see what that means:

ad·ven·tur·ous
1. inclined or willing to engage in adventures; enjoying adventures.
2.full of risk; requiring courage; hazardous: an adventurous undertaking.

Yes that most definitely could be me. I don't know why I feel this way. I love my home. I love all my friends and family being close by. I love...okay like...my job most of the time. (Though I would love to go back to nursing school). I just have been in the mood to go! I almost want to move to another city...try out new things...etc. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing or if anyone of the people that might actually come by and read this has ever felt this way. I just want to GO. Seriously, if someone offered me the opportunity to pack up and move to a new city right now I would go. I just hate feeling this way because I feel like I am wishing my life away. It has gotten real bad though. Just today I found myself on the way home listening to the weather and news reports of OTHER cities in OTHER states on my XM radio...what is that all about?

All I can figure is it is summer. I am ready for vacation and maybe by the time I get home the "Go Go" feeling will be gone....hhhmmm.

...Lost & Found...

Yes I have been away for awhile now...almost a year! I missed it! No excuses as to why I haven't been around and there will be no promises about how often I will be here! HA! All I know is I am back for now! Stay tuned! :-)

January 2008 ~ Me Again!!!

Yup, it is that time of year again!!! Time for new years resolutions!! I had tried so hard to get down to a good size before Brian came home and just didn't get to where I wanted. I just kind of gave up. I have no idea why! Well now he is home and wants to get in better shape too so we are going to do it together! We will see how it goes. I am going to try real hard. Tomorrow will be a new day for me .... again .... HAHA! Traci you were a great inspiration seeing you at Christmas so that was encouraging, too. So tomorrow I will be at it again.

In the morning Brian and I are going to get up and start jogging. I have never really been a jogger so we are going to workup to one mile. Then when I can accomplish one mile then we will move up from there. I am going to try ... again ... to get my 8 glasses of water a day. We are going to the gym at night after work. I am going to attempt for now to do my slimfast for breakfast and for lunch. I am going to have two snacks through the day and then eat dinner with Brian and Baylee at night. So little baby steps but I really want this and have wanted it for YEARS now. I HAVE to do it. I have had some health problems lately and I want to get rid of those and get off my meds!

Then we have talked about going out west for our summer vacation. We were thinking Grand Canyon, Yellowstone and Royal Gorge. Kind of a road trip. You have to work up and get in better shape before do something like that b/c the altitude (I hear) will take your breathe away.

THEN one very BIG reason is we are going to TTC!! (Try to conceive!) I am already at a disadvantage b/c of my age and feminine problems...but then you add being overweight to it...well it makes it hard to get pregnant so I want to try my best to lose weight in order to do that as well!!!

Well I guess that is all for now! Just wanted to check in for 2008 and get a good start!! So here is to reaching our goals in 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long time... no post!!

Ok, so I haven’t posted in quite sometime… well that’s because I haven’t exactly been watching what I eat or working out as much….BUT I haven’t gained a pound, so I’m happy about that. I’m still sitting at 199. I haven’t gone crazy with the eating, but I’ve had a few cookies here, some fries there, a slice of apple pie over here… you get it. I’ve only been walking a couple of times a week rather than my usual 6 nights a week. I have been staying busy though and very active with Brayden. We played basketball and football for almost 3 hours yesterday…that was definetly a workout. So anyway, I’m here today to pledge to get back on the counting calorie program and the exercise program until Thanksgiving Day… after that it’s back on until the trip to MS for Christmas. I would like to lose 6 by the 22nd and another 8 on top of that for a total of 14 more by the MS trip. That will put me at 185lbs… the lowest I have been since high school. Definetly doable if I can just stay on task.

Weigh In Wednesday (A Day Late!)

Well I have been procrastinating b/c I keep meaning to update my food journals from the past two days but then I thought forget it! I need to update!!! So here it is.....





Yes that is right people...16 pounds! So not as much as you all have lost but at least I am back on the wagon!!! I didn't eat so well yesterday but plan to get back on it today. I figured that would just be my cheat day. I really have slacked on my water the past 4 days or so...I was doing so good. That is another thing I am going to have to get back on today!!! So I originally wanted to lose 50 pounds before Brian came home...but as of now...if I could at least get down 30 pounds that is the smallest I have been in sometime and I think that would at least allow me to go down one pants size. That is what I am hoping anyway. The way I figure I have about 10 weeks left. If I can lose an average of at least 2 pounds a week for 10 weeks that would be an additional 20 pounds...which is 6 pounds over my current goal of 30! That would be awesome!

Actually, I would AT LEAST like to get this extra 14 off before Thanksgiving when I see the family. Plus, all we do is eat, eat, eat all week and I think if I can stay disciplined enough between now and then it will be so much of a habit that my stomach wouldn't even have room for all that yummy food. Plus, if I at least appear that I lost weight and someone notices...you know that will have me on cloud 9 for a week!!!

Weigh-In Wednesday: Traci

Ok, so the goal was to be at 199... which would have been 5lbs in 1 week. Well, I only lost 3 but I'm not complaining. The 199 will come... very soon! I didn't exercise at all last week so I'm honestly impressed I even lost what I did. Onederland... HERE I COME!!!

Jump Start Diet - Day 4 (Cheat Day)

Well I had decided early on that I was going to try to have a cheat day one day a week. On that day really try not to go over my calories but eat a little worse that day! :-) Brians family was in town. I went and spent time with them and it was alot of fun. We went to P.F. Chang's for lunch, went bowling, went to Cozumel for dinner and then had cake and ice cream at his mom's house for his cousin's birthday!! So I was really scared as to what my calorie intake was going to be. I just drank lots of water to keep my belly full and ate very small portions of everything I did eat. I had no rice, no ice cream, etc. At the Mexican place I had 5 chips...then I put my straw wrapper in my salsa bowl and pushed it aside so I wouldn't be tempted to eat anymore.

So this is how I did:


Almond Cashew Chicken 335
Wonton Soup 350
One Bite of a Spring Roll 50
Salsa 7
Chips 50
Cheese Enchilada 225
Enchilada Red Sauce 150
Birthday Cake 75

So this totals to my calorie count for 1250

I know I have been trying to get 1500 but I am glad I had some leadway just in case the calorie counter I used was not very accurate.

Water!

I probably only had about 60 oz of Water Today

Exercise!

No significant Exercise but I did go bowling which my guess wiht my research on the net shows I probably burned at least 356 calories and I know that isn't just great but oh well! I tried! :-)

Jump Start Diet - Day 3

I did not do as well today at all.

I just was not hungry for some reason. I was having a very emotional day anyway and sad and upset. (Missing my man and bills!) So really was not in the mood to eat I don't guess or exercise for that matter. SOOOOO....all I did was this:

I Drank 2 Shakes today! (Breakfast, Lunch)

80 oz of Water!

Exercise!!

Nada!! :-(

Rule Of Thumb For Drinking Water!!

Water and Weight Loss

Water plays a major part in weight loss. Because water contains no calories, it can serve as an appetite suppressant and helps the body metabolize stored fat. It may possibly be one of the most significant factors in weight loss.Also, drinking more water helps to reduce water retention by stimulating the kidneys. Studies recommend that if you are overweight, you should add one glass of water to your daily requirement for every 25 pounds over your recommended weight.

Fun Water Facts
Seventy-five percent of Americans are chronically dehydrated. This likely applies to half of the world population. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80 percent of sufferers. A mere 2 percent drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

*I copied this from somewhere and closed the window before I was able to save the link...so if this is yours let me know and I will gladly give you credit!*

Jump Start Diet - Day 2

I made it another day!

Day 2 was a little harder. I was a little more tempted to eat early in the day but I didn't. Also, I got busy when I got home from work and fed Baylee, etc. Then after she got in bed I realized...It was 9:15 and I had not even had my shake! So I was bad...I skipped it last night b/c I felt that was too late to even have one!

So this is what I did:

I Drank 2 Shakes today! (Breakfast, Lunch)

An Apple For Mid-Morning Snack!

One Orange for an Afternoon Snack!

100 oz of Water!

Exercise!!

I went to the gym. YEAH! Tuesday and Thrusdays are my weight days. So that is what I worked on. I didn't do but about 5 minutes cardio just to warm up before my weight session. I know it worked b/c I feel just a tiny bit sore as I write this!

Today (Friday) should be fairly easy. What I am worried about is sticking to it over the weekend. I don't have any drastic plans this weekend so maybe that will make it easy for me. Plus, I am going to try to carry around a water bottle all weekend and some sugar free gum and see if that helps!! HAPPY FRIDAY!

Jump Start Diet - Day 1

I made it! Go me! Go me!

So all in all it was okay other than I am SICK and TIRED of going to the bathroom...but that is okay...I just pretend I am flushing all the fat out! So this is what I did:

I Drank 3 Shakes today! (Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner)

An Apple For Mid-Morning Snack!

Broccoli For Mid-Afternoon Snack!

One Orange for Evening Snack!

100 oz of Water!

Exercise!!

I didn't do any significant exercise today except just basic house cleaning. Hmmm. Not good. I was trying to do one thing at a time - you know get used to the food today then add exercise in tomorrow. Not to mention I didn't go to bed the night before unil 2:00 a.m. So wasn't really up to work out. Hmmm. Bad me. However, I have already packed my gym bag for tomorrow!

Weigh-In

Hey Ladies!

Well..I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I have been busy. Things are settling down now, though. I did fall off the wagon for a week. I didn't gain, but I didn't loose. I have started back strong this week. So...I am at 178. I have three months before justin comes home, my goal is 30-35 lbs.
Tiff..way to get back on the wagon. You can do it girl. Like traci said it is forming a habit.
Traci..way to go! Keep up the good work!
Have a good week!

The Biggest Loser - 9/11/07!!

I have been really emotional this week but I tell you hearing their stories...you know before they picked teams. I cried! I guess because I could relate to alot of them! I also cried when the older guy made it to Bob first! I don't know if I cried because I was happy for him or if I was crying because even I - be many years younger than him - could not have beat him to the finish line! Good for him!!

I was also thinking how HARD they work out. WOW! My little 45 mintues on the treadmill is NOTHING compared to their workouts. I am REALLY going to have to push myself to be more like that.

I really don't have a favorite yet but I think the girl that got voted off last night...well she was a good choice...in my opinion anyway.

Did you watch? What are your opinions/thoughts on last nights show? Is there any certain person on the show that you can relate to more than other - based on size/body image?

TIFFANY'S BIGGEST LOSER PROFILE

Ther person I more closely relate to is Hollie. We are close to the same size...though I am a little bigger because she is about 2 inches taller than me. Something about her just reminds me of myself. Though I might change my mind latter on...this is who I am kind of following and watching. Now as for me...here is pretty much a current picture of me. It was taken about a month ago...after my 6 pound loss. It is REALLY scary. Probably one of the worst pictures I have seen of myself in awhile. Most of the reason why is someone took this picture without me being able to say "shoulders up" "let me stand behind something" "chin out", etc. This is the all day everyday me...I really hope in the next two weeks this image begins to change some...

Weigh-In Wednesday: Tiffany

Good Morning All! Well it is the first day of my new diet. I didn't get up and exercise this a.m. b/c Brian and I talked until 2:00 a.m.! YIKES! So needless to say I will have to wait to do that when I get home. (Along with cleaning my house that has been somewhat neglected this week!) Anyway, I will blog more about my diet later! As far as, the weigh in today...I weighed this morning...still maintaining at the 6 pounds lost.

Now originally I wanted to lose 50 pounds...then I said 40...and now I am saying I want to lose AT LEAST a total of 30 before Brian gets home. That is my first "mini-goal!"! I need to lose more than that in the long run but that is my starting point! So 6 down...24 more to go!!

Traci - I cannot wait to see your weigh in next week! I am willing to BET you can get that 4 pounds off!!! YOU GO GIRL! I am so proud of you! How does it feel to be so close to "One-derland"??

Susan - How are you doing? Tell us about your diet and going to the gym, etc.

Weigh-In Wednesday: Traci

No news, is usually good news... but not in this case. If you've noticed, I haven't weighed in for a couple of weeks... well that's because there is nothing to report. No loss, no gain. I hit a plateau... which is code for I quit counting calories, drinking water, and exercising for about a week and all of my momentum came to a screeching halt. However, I'm happy to report... I climbed right back on and the scale is moving again.

My goal was to be down to 200 by my birthday... well my birthday was Saturday and here I sit at 204!! So, I've set a new mini-goal to be under 200 by next weigh-in!

Down 2 lbs since last weigh in for a total loss of 28lbs!

Tiff - Definetly keep us posted on the shake thing. I'd love to do something for a week or so to take off some weight quickly! BTW, looovvveee the pic!1

My Bright Idea....

...Well it might not be so bright to you all but I am doing it anyway!! :-)

I have had a horrrible month! Here it is over 3 months since Brian left and I only lost 7 pounds and gained one of those back!! I HATE grocery shopping and packing my lunch. Period. Well there is this lady that plays Bunco with me. She is on a doctor approved "shake" diet that is done at a local hospital here. I can't afford to pay the hefty price to actually buy the supplies from them but I have decided for two weeks I will impliment my OWN shake diet. I will start tomorrow and do a blog every evening before bed for two weeks and see how it works out. I sure hope I see some results. Now this diet is going to seem...well bland and hard...but it is much better than the one she will be on b/c she can have no solid foods...period. I do not plan on staying on this diet forever. This is what I plan on doing for two weeks until I "jump start" myself and then I will modify it to be somewhat...normal!

So here is my plan:

Daily I will talk a multi-vitamin, iron and thyroid pill. I will attempt to drink 100 oz of water daily. I will also walk a minimum of 45 minutes daily and do 30 minutes of weights on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays.

Breakfast - Shake

Morning Snack - Apple

Lunch - Shake

Afternoon Snack - Broccoli (raw)

Dinner - Shake

Evening Snack - 1 Orange & 1 Cup (raw) Broccoli

This totals to be 1482 calories a day.

So I do realize this seems extreme but I will be honest...it has gotten to this point!

I will check back in tomorrow!!!

Weigh In Wednesday: Tiffany..I suck...

Well needless to say (as you can tell from my heading) I am not in a very good spot when it comes to weight loss! I have not worked out in like a week!! I have been too lazy in the mornings, can't at lunch and don't have time at night! SO I will be getting my but in high gear...tomorrow...gulp. Please pray for me. I REALLY need to do this. I just can't seem to get back on the wagon...I got my pinky finger on there but just can't pull myself up.



Traci - congrats on the 1 pound!! CONGRATS ON THE 26!! You go! By the way, loved the advice below...will be following that!!! Love ya!

Weigh-In Wednesday: Traci

Only down 1 lb for a total of 26lbs. Hey, that's better than gaining one.

Now I just have to make it up this week and lose 3.

Ask and ye shall receive....

It's funny you mention divorce along with the weight loss because the one thing I fear is that people are going to look at me and think... "poor thing is so depressed, she's not eating and she's losing weight". WRONG... she is working her butt off and eating right. Don't get me wrong, being single again is definetly a motivator but the actual weight loss has nothing to do with getting a divorce. I'm not saying you think that, I know you know that I'm working hard...but I think a lot of people will assume that.

As far as what I'm eating and doing to stay motivated. It's really simple actually. I eat pretty much anything I want, I just write it all down and track the calories. I eat no more than 1200 during the week and no more than 1500 on the weekends. I have found that I'm naturally eating healthier though because I want to be able to still eat when I'm hungry, therefore in order to stay under, I have to eat healthy. I could eat chocolate cake everyday, but then I would be starving. I don't know how to explain it but it has finally clicked... food is nothing more than nourishment anymore. I don't daydream about food like I used to. Don't get me wrong, if I see a box of Krispy Kremes in the kitchen at work... the thought may cross my mind... but I simply tell myself no. I can either give in to that one moment of weakness or I can triumph and take pride over the fact that I didn't go for it. The longer that I've gone the easier it has gotten. There were donuts in the kitchen this morning and the thought to eat one never even crossed my mind. That stuff only makes me feel sad and depressed... I have enough going on that makes me sad and depressed... why add to it?

I've been eating lots of fruit and veggies. I've been taking my lunch everyday. I make myself drink 100 oz of water a day. It's not an option. I drink 1 on the way to work, 1 at lunch, 1 on the way home and 2 when I get home. I've just had to make it a habit. I've emptied my house of all junk food... other than Brayden's one box of Little Debbies that I let him have. They are HIS... I even wrote his name on them.

Something else that I have been doing is skipping breakfast... now I know that goes against everything everyone else says... but hey it's working for me. I find if I eat breakfast that I get really hungry around 10 or so and go hunting down sweets. Instead, I just wait until 10 to eat my first thing for the day. I have a cup of coffee when I first get to work and that keeps me satisfied until that time. I either eat a banana or yogurt and then I don't eat again until lunchtime. For lunch, I eat a Lean Cuisine or Smart One and then eat a tomato and cucumber with Fat Free Zesty Italian dressing... so good. I usually can't eat it all. I then make myself wait until at least 3 to eat again... even if I get hungry before then, I just pop a piece a gum, chug some water and tell myself no! I usually eat a 100 calorie pack of cookies, or some kind of Smart Ones dessert at 3. I leave work each day with about 600 calories left. That' s more than enough for dinner, including dinner at a fast food place. I make myself wait until atleast 6:30 for dinner. Dinner lately has consisted of Ramen noodles, or a huge bowl of sauteed squash. We have fast food about once a week, even pizza. If you stick to burgers w/o mayo or chicken, you can usually get away for less than 500 calories. Thin crust pizza isn't too bad either if you can stick to just 2 pieces. I try to save atleast 100 calories for "dessert". Sometimes dessert is 1/2 cup of ice cream, sometimes it's a big square of dark bakers chocolate. To be honest, most days I ended up about 100 calories under what I should be getting, that's not good either... I really try to make myself get all 1200 in. I never thought I'd be having to make myself eat.

The first 2 weeks were hard...but I made myself do it. It has gotten so much easier. It's become second nature.

As for exercise, again I just make myself do it. It helps that I have someone to do it with. She counts on me to show up every night and I count on her. Unless something urgent comes up, everyone in my life has learned that at 7:30 every night, Traci will be walking. Even Brayden has accepted... he complains, but he knows that no matter what, we are going, so he might as well suck it up and go along. It's been so hot lately that I've been going to the gym instead. On the rare occasion that I can't go, I bought a Pilates DVD and I do it instead. I took a free Pilates class a few weeks ago and OMG... I hurt in places that I've never hurt before. I like it because it gives you long lean muscles instead of bulky muscles. Speaking of, I only use machines at the gym... resistance training is much better for women vs. weights. You get to tone without adding bulk...I've been doing it about 3 times a week and haven't bulked up... just toned up.

The most important thing that I have done is finally gotten into my head that I HAVE to take care of me and that it's ok to put me first sometimes. I don't care if Brayden is tired of eating vegetables and hates not having soda in the house. Guess what, after a few weeks he quit whining about not having cokes and cookies and he's actually learned to enjoy some new foods. He loves squash now. I don't care if he doesn't want to put down the Playstation to go walking for 45 minutes, this isn't about him. I say that but actually it is about him too, one of the biggest things I can do for him is to teach him at this early age, how to be healthy, to get him in the habit of exercising. He will thank me one day. I want to be around for him 20 years from now. I want to be able to run and play with him. I'm doing this for both of us and I can't allow myself to feel selfish just because he doesn't always like it. I spent the last 10 years taking care of everyone but me and look where it got me... fat and alone!!

Ok, so that was kind of quick and dirty and more of a rambling than an organized post... but hopefully it has made you think and given you some motivation. Tiffany this is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but at the same time.. it's absolutely the best I have felt about myself in a long time. I was so tired of looking at everyone else and being jealous because they were doing it and I just couldn't. Well I'm on the other side now and it feels great. You CAN do this!

I love you girl!!